You know you have been in Thailand ‘too long’ when……..

You’ve been in Thailand a few years now and beginning to wonder, “Have I been in Thailand too long?”. So, to find out whether you have or not, read through the following facts and compare to yourself…..

You know you’ve been In Thailand ‘too long’, when…..

  • on meeting a fellow Westerner, you ask “Where are you come from?”
  • ………. and next, ask him/her before you even know their name, how much salary they earn and why they aren’t married yet.
  • you have an attention span of approximately 11 and a half seconds (unless that is… you are watching a Thai soap opera)
  • your favourite hobby is putting half your family on the back of your motorbike; and only you, as driver, wears a helmet.
  • you think that showing up half an hour late for a job interview is acceptable.
  • on being stopped by a traffic cop, you immediately reach for some hundred baht bills, before your driver’s license.
  • start to think that corruption is just a social normality.
  • use a pseudonym on Facebook like “Hot Snowy Bear” instead of your actual real name.
  • cant’ be bothered to walk even if it’s only one hundred meters; better to wait half an hour for the bus.
  • you drink everything with a straw, even a large bottle of beer.
  • ……….. and you expect your waitress to be at your beck and call and put ice in your drinks every three minutes.
  • try to get on a packed Bangkok bus before anyone has had the chance to get off.
  • at the beach, you wear a long-sleeved shirt and splash on the strongest possible anti-suntan lotion.
  • enjoy scaring the wits out of foreigners who are trying to cross a zebra crossing, especially elderly ones.
  • hope that your young daughter grows into a good-looking young woman; and so, look forward to a receiving a bigger dowry.
  • ask the local monk to forecast the lucky number for you, hocus-pocus style, in the forthcoming Government Lottery.
  • are flushed at the sight of a farang woman wearing ‘no-bra’.

PSY from Gangnam Style Comes to Thailand

Gangnam Style Flash-mob Event, Siam Paragon: Even though I may not be the biggest fan of Korean star PSY, I wasn’t going to pass the opportunity to grab one of “500 Free Tickets to Gangnam Style Thailand Extra Live” (courtesy of Coca Cola). Advertised as “Biggest Gangnam flash-mob ever”, all we had to do to get free tickets was dance, or should I say straddle along, to Psy’s mega youtube hit at Siam Paragon.

Well, even before I got off the bus at Central World just down the road from the event, it bucketed down of rain, Thailand-style. But certainly not cool season style; it isn’t supposed to rain that bad in late November. Disappointment: Number One. Arriving at Siam Paragon, later than planned and in soggy socks, I wasn’t surprised that the activities had been postponed. I did, however, have no problems signing up for free tickets as everyone else had obviously got stuck in the rain along the way….

Now, this event was advertised as a ‘flash-mob’ – but according to my Internet definition, a flash-mob is supposed to be an unofficial/kinda illegal dance. One similar I imagined to thousands of yellow-shirts bopping away to some concert during their storming of Bangkok International Airport a few years ago. Of course, this was none of the sort, instead there were more than a hundred plain-clothed dancers rehearsing, an hour or so, before they appeared again at the event in either hot Coke outfit, sexy-nurse outfit or strange looking janitor outfits… Very luckily the sun come out… thank Godness ; and the crowds, of which many were university students who were jumping afternoon lectures, began to appear. And so did hundreds of crates of free Coke for all the participants and on-lookers.

Even though the turn-out was disappointingly low due to the damp weather, Coke did nonetheless manage make a television commercial out of the event. And to add a bit of flavor, they nicely mixed in a bout of Loy Krathong dancers… Because of my awesome Gangnam moves, Coke even gave me a leading dance part in the television commercial…. about 2 seconds worth! Unfortunately, none of were paid for dancing Gangnam-style for 15 or so minutes….. but were instead all given a free ticket to PSY’s concert at SCG Stadium (Muangthong Thani Football Club) on the 28 November. Richard Barrow also managed to scoop a free ticket, even though the closet he got to dancing was waltzing around the spectators trying to get the best pics….. as seen in this blog.

PSY Gangnam Concert, SCG Stadium: On the morning of the concert, all of us in Bangkok wake up to the freakiest cool season rain of the year. It had literally poured down all night, so much so, that our roof was leaking and our unclosed rubbish bin was overflowing with stench! Disappointment: Number 2. By this time I had a spare free ticket for the open-air concert, and even though it was free, I couldn’t find a single friend who wanted go. By lunch, due to the continuous rain, I had Richard Barrow ‘tweet’ the ticket to anyone who wanted to go; fortunately within an hour I was on my say to SCG Stadium with a new Russian buddie. Which, in fact, isn’t far from Bangkok Immigration, yes that place most folk go to extend their tourist/non-immigration visas. But, Bangkok Immigration, isn’t actually in Bangkok itself, it’s in Nonthaburi province.

The concert itself was to start at 7:30pm, but all the sponsors had promised “Fun and exciting activities starting at 3pm!”Instead, at 4pm at SCG with the rain still drizzling, the only fun thing we saw worth enjoying the sight of were AIR ASIA promo girls stood at the gates in wet-shirts! Apart from that, all the afternoon activities had been delayed. Disappointment: Number 3. Not wanting to get any more wet, we headed to Muang Thong Thani’s huge food court for a couple of bevvies before having a super cheap steak at Easy Steak restaurant nearby; two big steaks for 200 Baht ain’t easy to find these days.

Hooray! After 18 hours of continuous rain, it disappeared as quickly as it arrived. And before the crowds could arrive at the gates, the ticket touts had already secured their place. With wads of tickets in their hands, the touts were selling ‘FREE’ concert tickets for 500Baht! Just for a laugh I haggled the price down, and sure enough, within 10 seconds the real going rate was 200 Baht a ticket. It was totally pointless to buy a ticket from these touts as sponsors as AIR ASIA were handing out Free tickets left, right and center inside the gates. All one had to do to get a ticket was dance a bit of Gangnam-style with an Air Asia girl for the sponsor’s photograph – as easy as pie! Then, as the the AIR ASIA presenter girls were even better-looking than most of their air-hostesses’, I soon had so many free tickets in my hand that I just returned them!

As my ticket was ‘standing’ (personally, much preferred) I had no problem getting right to the front of the stage, right in front of the projector cameraman actually. For my front row efforts my mug-shot face was on the big screen for the 20,000 audience for the rest of the night! Not surprisingly, I was surrounded by screaming girls who just loved the imported Korean DJ and singer (before PSY came out). Being surrounded by junior high school girls bopping about, I pictured myself alongside Jimmy Saville on Top of the Pops!

Nearing 10pm, the concert had already been running for more than two hours – PSY finally appeared (after another 20 minute floor-mopping session in between!) PSY tried to cheer the lower-than-expected audience in attendance with plenty of banter. He also knew quite a bit of Thai language to my, and everyone else’s surprise. He put on a good show though, even though it was quite short; about half an hour. Climaxing his performance of course with the one-and-only, Gangnam-style. Altogether, however, it was an enjoyable day out

United We Stand

My dad, who is now on Facebook, posted this today.

Surprised to see me? Yep! Still alive and kicking in the sunny Southern California over here. The Return of Khun Stephen Cleary spurs me to start planning my return to Thai-Blogs as well. It’ll take me a while to put my multicultural hat back on, but I’ll see what I can do. :)

How have y’all been?

Night out at a Bangkok Cabaret!

Just recently, last Friday night to be more exact, the Paknamweb Team were invited to witness, for ourselves, Bangkok’s latest extravaganza, Playhouse Theater Cabaret at the renowned Asia Hotel.

On arrival, we were met personally by the very friendly and courteous management team who had drinks in our hands before we could even sit down. And then, before we could even raise our glasses we were introduced to one of the stars of the show, the gorgeous Ms Oot. Originating in the Rose of the North, Chiang Mai, the Playhouse team just moved into the Asia Hotel on 19 October, “We had wanted to attract a wider and more international audience” said Thomas Swain their social media and community specialist.

The cabaret is choreographed by Ramon Vizmanos from The Philippines, a flamboyant and gracious performer himself who was first dancing on stages when he was still in his diapers! As for the skills on stage, Ramon told us, “Our performers had to take three months of intensive preparation, and till now, three hours of training and rehearsal each day before they can take to the stage”. So, with the hottest mixture of the most experienced and highly trained performers and crew east of Chelsea Football Club, we were then expecting, of course, a razzamatazz…..

Unlike most other cabaret venues in Thailand, we were delighted to see that the Asia Hotel does NOT seat thousands of spectators who need to get out their binoculars to get a decent view of the show. Instead, the maximum capacity is just 350 people. Thomas explained, “We much prefer to give our audience that boutique homely feel, where they too can have the opportunity to interact with the show”. In fact, Granddad could take a table so near the stage that he would need his ventilator at the sight of the most beautiful and exquisite dancers!

What Playhouse Theater Cabaret also doesn’t offer, however, is slap-stick sleaze. Thankfully instead, they have put together a professional cast, comprising of extremely talented and energetic young performers of every gender. So, if its full-in-face totally erotic action you are looking for, you had better go to Pattaya!

Starting off with a very usual Thai-traditional attire and dancing melody, I thought, “Oh no… not another Thai-style show with a handful of performers”. But, how wrong was I to be! Instead we were breath-taken at twenty or more different set changes, including a cast of forty performers, whose ‘quick-change’ routines would have won them a place in the Final of America’s Got Talent. With stunning interactive backgrounds, we were taken aback by a myriad of kaleidoscopic color and creativity. The sensational around-the world modern-era performances ranged from: Pop dance to 80s dance to love ballads to Chinese opera to Mary Poppins to Flamenco and breakdance. And that’s just an example!

Personally, my favorite performance of the night was a wonderful rendition of Mr Bojangles in true Fred Astaire banjo and tap-dance style. As for my wife, Ms Su, she just loved the splashes of improvised comedy added throughout the show – and not forgetting, the shear beauty of the performers and their costumes. “The best fun I had all year”, said Su enthusiastically at the end of the evening – after taking ‘free’ pics with the cast. Yes, in contrast to other cabaret shows I could mention, there is no charge to take pics with your favorite performers here!

So, if it’s family-friendly night out of variety and awe you are after, get on hopping down to Playhouse Theater Cabaret the next time you are Bangkok!

Every Night of the Week.
1st Show 20:15 – 21:30.
2nd Show 21:45 – 23:00
Show Only: 1,200THB per person
Show & Dinner: 1,800THB per person

Asia Hotel Bangkok
296 Phayathai Road (in front of Ratchathewi Skytrain Station)
Tickets can be booked/purchased online, via respectable agents or at the hobby of Asia Hotel
For more details see:
http://www.playhousethailand.com/

How to Become a Model/Actor in Thailand

A variety of profile photographs is essential

OK. So, you have just arrived in the Land of Noodle Soups & Nose jobs and you want to make it big as a famous actor, model, stuntman or even comedian. Actor (also means actress, so ladies do not be put off!) and ‘model’ can mean anyone acting etc…. either on the big screen or in print ads. Chances are however, you will have more chance of winning the Thai lottery than becoming a huge success!

Now, most folk who have never worked in the lucrative world of ‘modelling’, automatically flinch at the word ‘model’ and imagine one to either have a hunky six-pack, or , if you are a lady of course, looks to have any man watering at the mouth. In reality, a model may be nothing of the sort; he/she maybe 65 years of age and weigh-in at 250 pounds. It all depends, quite simply, on what the client needs.

with… two of Thailand’s most wanted models

Having worked on-and-off in the business for donkey’s years, I have constantly seen all the same mistakes made by wanna-be stars. Now, would you go to a job interview as a DJ wearing a black dinner jacket and top hat? Doubt it. Often, of course, there are no actual job interviews for actors/models; you are usually chosen as a possibility for a job by your profile and photographs; the latter of super-importance.

First & foremost, put together the best pics of you possible; a big variety of photographs; pics that will be relevant to clients’ need. Just a few weeks ago I was responsible for finding “25-30yr farang lady to act as businesswomen in Thai soap opera”. Sure enough, my email inbox in the morning had lady applicants sending me photos of them in bikini, sexy stockings and very visible cleavage. The lady who I did finally choose, sent me polite pics of her in skirt and neat blouse from her English language classes. Remember, if for instance, the ad reads “foreigner, ‘gay’ looking” and you want to apply, then send them pics of you posing gayish (as one of my profile pics here). This message is so simple to understand but 90% of applicants are ignorant of it; they are wasting their own and client/productions’ time.

Even my wife, on the right not left!, can getting a TV acting job if she knows how to apply!

There is an extreme amount of competition these days (compared to the days of yesteryear) and this is especially applicable for ‘good-looking foreign ladies’. The competition is now flooded with ‘beauties’ from the former Soviet Union; be warned. The competition is far less for ‘old’ foreigners, South Asians and, blacks especially. Many of the TV commercials made in Thailand are foreign productions; ie.. Indian, Japanese and even European etc….

If you prefer to sign-up personally with modeling agencies than scouting the Internet for freelance work, then select professional/worthy agencies that have been in the business for years. Again, there is no need to look like Matt Damon or Victoria Beckham; agencies need all types of age, height and size etc…. a respectable agency will take all the photos for you, however, they will be the owner of those pics and not you! Under no circumstances, pay an agent a fee! Any agency who asks you to pay any kind of money is a scam! A proper agency will take their approx. 30% commission if they find you a job.

Ok… stayed tuned for Part Two and direct modeling/acting contacts!