All I have to say is that I admire Steve for having such a good knowlegde of thai culture... Most farangs i know are uninterested in learning to lve in a different society.
We thai people appreciate people like Steve.
Although I am in Mexico, i anyway appreciate steve´s blogs.

On behalf of Thai girls: Thank you very much Steve.

Hi,

Just wanted to say that I enjoyed both this blog and the one previous on general Thai dos and don'ts.

I think too much crapole is extolled from the barstools of the Kingdom and it's good to hear a more sober second thought on such matters.

Keep up the good work Steve and look forward to reading your next blog.

Ben

Steve is definetly right on this one :o) I'm a Danish girl but lived and worked 4 months in pattaya, where you meet some of the most unintelligent farangs ever. Nice to know that some people are as respectful of other cultures as i myself am when i travel and live abroad :-)

hi,

i just read your blog for a first time.It's seems that you are interested in Thai's Culture.I know that my English is not so good,but I just wanna let you know how I'm glad to know that there's still some foriengners who respect Thai's culture! ^^

Brillant! Steve...

Thanks for your great understanding about Thai people and our cultures...

Please be informed that I am one of your secret admirer...

I hope to see your next blog soon...

Dear Steve,

Thanks for the blog. We also have a blog that is Thailand related (since that is my home country) and we would like to link to some of your blogs, if that is okay with you. You can see what I mean if you go to our blog at:

http://www.siamese-dream.com/blogs/index.php

Since we just did a link to your dating Thai Women blog.

Can you please email me at jay@siamese-dream.com and let me know if this is okay or not? I would like to talk to you more about linking to your other blogs from our Web site.

Thank you again,

Ms. Jay

Sawasdee Steve, On behalf of Thai women the do's and dont's are on point. My ex boyfriend(who is Thai) gave me the opportunity to visit Thailand twice a few years ago. The people and the culture just blew me away. If the whole world was like Thailand it would be a better place.I am an american(native american indian)but if I had my way I would retire there

There is many people out in this world who completely stereotype the Thais and it's nice to have someone once in a while who actually respects the Thai culture. I want to let you know how happy I am! YOU ROCK OUT LOUD!

Glad to see that me blogs are getting around.

Thanks a lot for the comments

hi
there is nothings comments to us
bot your
so thanks

Hi Steve,

Again.. it's me... who always admire your work.. here...
It proved that you are correct with what you have wrote for Dos and Don't.. especially our comments, thai people's...
For those Farang who disagree with you for this topic... just ignore them..
Is it right that... who knows Thai's cultures better than Thais...? I believe that there are a great number of thais who didn't read your blogs but if they do.. they will certainly "be glad, happy and appreciate" with your Thai-blogs !

Thanks God .. Steve is here for making the right understanding of our Thai's cultures...

Steve,

I agree with most of what you said. That is why most Americans go with bar girls. They can not wait for the good girls. Also having extra people on dates freaks out most American men.

All cultures are different and most American men simply can not adapt to this radically different lifestyle. In fact I would guess that 98% of them never met a proper Thai girl in the 1 or 2 weeks of their vacation.

Having said that, I would say that a cute proper Thai girl, with traditional values, is the most beautiful woman in the world. That is my opinion. If I could afford to live in Thailand, that would be my dream come true.

i married a thai girl, many of these are correct. unfortunately i have seen many falang guys treat thais women as cheap and easy (because they are used to being around bar girls who do it for the money to support their family). if you are serious then treat her with kindness and her family with kindness and you will be welcomed openly: basically treat her the same way you would if you had a western girlfriend/wife. Been married 5 years now, have had little cultural differences - she really hates me biting my finger nails and sometimes our views are different on certain things but no real big issues. Very lucky to have met her.

I'M MARRIED TO A THAI LADY AND SHE IS THE THING IT HAPPEND TO ME......SHE TAKE SO GOOD CARE OF ME ....I TREAT HER WITH ALL RESPECT,AND I GET IT BACK......TO ALL THE AMERICAN'S ,TREAT THEM WAY YOU WANTED TO BE TREATED.....AND YOU WILL HAVE A GOOD TIME............THANK YOU
STEVE

thanks i enjoyed this very much I have talked with a few woman and have become friends I have ben honest with one I like and told her i would like to come to thailand for her to see me before she decides she want to be serious but what i found of woman is that you should be honest but i also found that many woman are hesitant because they think many american men are just looking for sex

31 May 2005

According the stats this is by far and away the most viewed of all my blogs, still getting lots of daily hits to this day thanks to a few 'referers' from other sites on the Net.

Til this day all comments are still welcome and will still be read by folks.

And readers, do have a look through my archives here, there are lots of other lists of dos and donts/thailand.

Interesting stuff Steve. I am planning my fourth trip to Thailand in a year and a half at the moment. I have fallen for the place and would love to live there one day. For more on the same subject i recommend "Thailand Fever" which can be found in any English language bookshop in Thaland. The Thai woman referred to by the author is currently a friend of mine and she introduced me to the book.

Steve

PS. Happy to hear from anyone in Thailand or interested in the culture/country. This English farang is not looking for a Thai wife but happy to make friends with locals or ex-pats.

I can be contacted at Michelangeloindeed@yahoo.co.uk

Steve (again)

I have been coming to Thailand at least once a year since 2438 (1994) for a total of 16 trips.

Your rules are all good. Another good practice to do when asking a girl is talk to her and ask her and a friend out - then she doesn't need to explain.

Additional rule of thumb that I tell people at the airport upon arrival is that in Bangkok: if woman speaks to you on the street (not including vendors) she is a prostitute and if a man talks to you he is trying to rip you off / mis-direct you. A respectable girl will not talk to a male first (vendors excluded).

I have tested this conclusion many times.

Finding a respectable girl takes time, a lot of time. If you walk through a department store and a woman smiles at you then talk to her. Meeting respectful women on the street just does not happen (in my experience anyways). It works better to befriend guys in the age group that you are looking for and then get introductions.

Webpage has lots of pics from: Thailand, Lao, Cuba, Alberta, Texas, and soon pics will be up from New Zealand and Nepal!

Nice job.

Appreciate the respect for Thai cultures. There are quite a number of thick headed farangs out there.

I've had great feedback from readers on this blog and thank you all very much including one guy that says he managed to find himself a 'proper' Thai girl after reading this as he had learnt off of some ignorant Farangs before that 'proper' Thai girls don't date Farang! What a load of rubbish!!

Im delighted to hear stories, just one story like that and i feel that all my energy of 7 months of blogging was worth every minute!

Are you not afraid that these Do's and Donts will direct a playboy to ruin a decent Thai girl?

On the contary, these advices may turn a playboy serious! :D That would be a good sign for everyone.

Never play with our girls! You know they love you for real unless you have a very bad luck.

Even I am Thai, this 'dos and don'ts' is very useful for me too.

I teach a couple units on Thai-Western cultural differences in one of my advanced English classes at the university. Farang-Thai romantic relationships are always popular subject matter up here in Isan. With proper attribution and your permission, I'm stealing this.

JD

that were a great detail and ideas about how to dating with a thai's girl....i really like it

You have got a treasure-trove of knowledge, Steve.

When dating a Thai girl, if she brings another friend or friends along, another reason is she does not want others to mistake her for being a lady of easy virtue. It gives her that peace of mind or assurance.

It used to be the norm for dating couples to be followed by friends, relatives or even siblings. This is also done partly so that the girl's parents can enquire from the 'follower' about their activities and behaviour after the date.

This is really useful :) thanks for the advice....i starting missunderstanding some of the thing a thai girl i met last friday did this weekend, but they match with what you describe : calling me a lot, proposing to come with a friend on the first dinner (next wednesday) hahaha .... thanks a lot of the help ;)

Dear Steve,

I really like the blog that you have created and it makes sense to me now some of the things that my girlfriend does. As others have said I feel I am very lucky to have met my girlfriend and I am open to all aspects of the Thai culture, I especially like going to temples and such.

I am from the UK and realise that the values and traditions are very different but I accept Thai culture with open arms because if you come to Thailand, meet a Thai girl, but do not respect the rules or traditions then you are better off back in your own country.

Thailand is a very diverse country and the people are exceedingly dignified. They do not care about the fact that Thailand is viewed as a third-world country and they certainly don't act like it. The people are exceedingly friendly and I love my job as an English teacher.

Thanks for the great blogs, please keep up the good work.

All the best.

Ian

One more east-west cultural difference which i forgot to write about before was the one about 'being set up'

Here in Thailand it is quite normal and acceptable that the folks around, on seeing you are a 'nice' man, to recommend a 'proper' girl to you.

This is where i have seen many westerners freak out.....along the lines of
'I can find my own girlfriend thank you!'

I met one American guy this year who thought i was being rather offensive and demining when i mentioned the prospective of 'asking Thai friends to help set-up a blind-date'.

Of course, i was only being considerate and so are the Thais in regards to this matter.

In fact, 'recommendations' are an excellent way to meet that 'proper' Thai girl. Pls understand this cultural difference.

Steve, I think I would take being "set up" as a compliment as to my character -at least there is a much better chance of finding someone "respectable" this way rather than leaving it to chance or an expensive -and perhaps not very choosy- marriage agency.

As I am a Thai girl, I can confirm that what Steve wrote are acsolutely correct!! I am dating a "farang" guy who was once "a friend". He treats me very well and we do understand each other a lot.
I think the most important thing is that both must accept cultural differences and try to adapt themselves to each other. It would be tough for "farang" as well, if we, Thais do not try to understand their culture at all.

Yes all these dos and donts are very useful, and should be kept somewhere and read perhaps later when one has forgotten them.. Though preferably you should not need them alot, because if you do need them alot it might mean you are abusing your knowledge :P

I love this site so so so much :) Cool site!!

I know you mean well but I do find some points a bit insulting. You make it sound like all proper Thai girls are submissive miss little sunshines. We are not always thinking of getting married or being a good wife. I know this list is appropriate for dating "proper Thai women" but please don't assume that all of us are total airheads. Saying that we fear chocolates and love washing and cleaning for men is very insulting.

Perahps 'gnarlykitty' ought to have read some of my other stuff like the other 30+ commenteers on this blog (plus anothre 120 elsewhere) before submitting a comment like that.

There are stacks of Thai women that have complimented this blog as positive for 'proper' Thai women and it has even done the rounds amongst Thai women related websites, especially in The US. I know your blogsite Kitty, and i find a lot of the language you use would considered very offensive by a lot of people. So, i dont know what you are getting at by negatively commenting as you did.

As all my blogs read: not to be taken too seriously.

I'm a Thai woman. It's good to know there are foreigners who do know Thai cultures. Sometimes I wondered whether they could see the differences between proper Thai women and prostitutes.
I love this website very much. Hope to read your new stories soon.

A fantastic site, and brilliant effort. A great piece of work.

hi,
i like ur blog!, mostly it's true about thai girl except the chocolate...well, maybe that's just me..
anyway u'r doin a good job!

Your site is very very cool !! I love it :) Respect !

Hi! I have a Thai girlfriend for the first time. I slept with her on the first date, after flying her into Singapore to meet me. We initially met there - and chatted online, talked on the phone several times. Is this rare in Thailand? I know that Buddhist and Christian culture differ in this respect.

She seems nice. How do I bring up sexual pasts??

QUOTE - MIKE: She seems nice. How do I bring up sexual pasts??

There is another culture difference. Most Thais would prefer to keep such past experiences to themselves! and especially the.....girls!!

Steve
I have just returned to the UK, after a very pleasant trip to Thailand, Where I dated a Thai Lady, and was amazed your accuracy,Constantly
asking about my health and family, washing my clothes and insisting I shower every five minutes!! - I realised she wasn't hinting I smelled, just always wanting me to look clean, my advice to anybody is to return the goodwill by when invited going to temples, family homes etc and showing some respect for their culture, on a final note, contrary to the opinion of my friends and work colleagues - ' she only wants your money attitude' Her and her family were insistant upon paying for many of the meals, day trips etc, all the best, Phil

You are certainly correct. I have been with 2 thai women. I live with one now. She was very abused in thailand (beaten alot) and lost 2 daughters. when she was pregnant again she came to US. She stayed alone for 6 years before we met at work. She is great. We have been together 3 years (not married). The thai woman is a very delicate, consevaitve woman and should be treated as such. I am a very lucky man.

Damn this site! *lol* My bf found this site and is now and henceforth denying me chokolates. J/K ;)

Keep it up, it's actually the second time I read this blog and I still enjoy it (which puts you in the same league as Harry P. *lol*)

Dear Steve,
I absolutely agree with you about Dos and dont in thailand. On behalf of thai girl, Thank you for promoting our country Thailand and makes the foreigner understand more Thai people.

Keep doing you good job

I posted a comment on December 2005, and I came today after been for nearly 3 months dealing with misfortunates on my relationship with my thai girlfriend. We have had a very bad time lately. However my visit has been to try to remember some basics of "thai girls", and maybe drive our relationship back to normal ... We extremely easy forget things that are the core of relations between people. Thanks for the site

I like your comments and think they are correct having worked in Thailand, and belonging to Thai associations outside of Thailand.

My only feeling is that the distinction between the "good" girl and the "bad" girl is not as clear as you portray.

My friend who runs a business in BKK says that many of his staff have, in the past, taken some money for sexual favours with farangs.

I think it is fair to say that all Thai girls, "bad" or "good" would prefer to be treated the way you suggest. I have known at least two "bad" who have married and happily have had children with expats. I had a relationship (pure friendship) with a "good" one, a professional, whose only interest in me was money for her and her family. At least she was honest, saying that if the relationship went further she would care for me but could not love me. She was very upset when we broke up as she said "Chee wit lam baak" life will be difficult.

great blog, when i was in thailand a few months a go i met a few decent women who were
very helpfull and always paid for stuff
themselves even if i offered, i have still
kept in touch with those and intend to meet
them when i go back in march

I can fully agree on the Dos and donts..... i met a girl in june on the internet.

I was already working out here and already got one longtime relationship with an isaan girl behind me.

I choosed to stay alone for a long time after that relationsship did break up, but after 4 or 5 month i did went one dating with girls from faceparty.com

I can also agree on the coworker setup with a good girl thing. That happend all the time. Even today when they know i am living together with one.... If i should get alone again - then they know a good girl:-)

When i went out on dating with an internetgirl i only got one condition. THEY NEED TO HAVE A WORK.

It shows they can get up everyday, that they have an income to support themself and so forth. Of course to work a barhost was not something that could get them out with me.

No real decent thaigirl ever got angry at me for demanding this... and now i stay with one who have been working same place for 13 years 6 days a week in day or night shifts for 12 hours a day plus transport.

And everyday i still get the biggest smile and taken good care off. Even that i only need to work 3 days in a month to have same income as here.

Money is never any issue. She doesn't have any debts beside her condo. She got 100 of friends who are singles and are good looking who just want to have a good man in there life. Most of them dream of having a farang. I wonder why all these girls can walk around alone - many are stunners. For sure farangs are in a high demand from these girls. We treat them with respect and we don't have an extra wife and most of us experts don't drink. If a farang can give a thai girl these conditions for a startup of a relationship, then one can be sure that the good and decent thaigirl will do whatever to take good care.

Show these hardworking girls some respect and you get paid back ten fold.

Hi Steve,

Im really happy to have found your 'Do's and Dont's' lists and Im so glad that they are up here on the net accessible for all those interested. It is just pitiful the way sites such as 'MS' portray Thai women....and for those who get with 'bad' girls, I guess some of them just deserve each other. It doesnt take too much to find a 'good' Thai girl - basically it takes a 'good' Western man to start with. I graduated from Uni in Japan and have dated some Asian women; it does take a certain cultural understanding to not make the relationships too awkward, but in the end, if you have a good heart and intentions, you wont go wrong. That may sound cliche and sappy, but it just makes me sick sometimes seeing the way some unknowing Farang look down upon girls here...and keep the ball of ignorance turning!

Just to add a bit to the former post... I think its a bit fuzzy to distinguish a 'good' & 'bad' Thai girl at first time meeting, just as it is with any girl. Although, as Steve mentioned if the girl tries to go all the way on the first date (as if other girls) this should definitely raise alarm bells. I have dated a few Thai girls, and if you have a gut feelin that something is up/untrustworthy, it most likely is. On the other hand, I have dated a Thai girl where for the first I cant remember how many dates it was me, her, her sister and 2 of her very, very close friends from all the way back in primary school. I really, really do appreciate the fact that i had a date with her closest friends the first few dates so as to not be confused in any way or manner about her inention/trustowrthiness.
Sorry for the yapping away at the keyboard aobut this.

ps-Steve, is there a forum where such things as above are discussed on the net?

Hi Steve, great work. For those people looking for more, I got a copy of Speakeasy-Thai Survival Guide and it had a huge amount of advice including some of the above, it also helped with getting started speaking Thai, great book, recommend it to everyone.
Sam

hi Steve it really great worj u do for those people looking well iam student some university this frist i come visit here really very nice!!

I met a nice thai girl, and i want to supprise her by asking her out in thai, but I dont speak any thai and i realy like this girl can anyone help me?

Thank you Steve for very good comments on this issue. I am now living in Bangkok and think your don´t and dos´s are very useful for me, because I respect and are interested in Thai culture.

Harri from Finland

i met a thai girl about 6 months ago in
a bar. she was only there for 3 months and i fell in love with her.
i had to go back to my home country
australia, but had been back to see this girl on 2 occasions.i would send her money
usually about 20,000 bacht and was due to see her in may.
our relationship was serious as we were going to get married in december.
i had met the family her child called me
papa, and we were in love.
one day she told me that her mum was to go back to bangkok for a month.
the next day she told me that her mum had lost her phone and that she had to give her her phone.
after her mum supposedly went to bangkok, i got really suspicious and thought she might be with another man.
so everytime i rang the phone which her mum had she would turn it off.
then i sent many emails to her some were nasty "just asking if she was with another man" but most were decent.
when she got back ,i asked her where she had been but in a non argumentetive voice.and i asked her if she still loved me.
she said to me "i love you, i love you, but now never call me again we are finished"
and that was it.
i'm still trying to work out what went
wrong, i still love this girl and still call her everyday,but she doesnt sound the same anymore and she tells me that we will never be together anymore.
funilly enough i was going to buy her a farm in may and she doesnt want that either, is there anyway i can get her back or is it deffinately over.

Please visit our "Thai Relationship" forum at www.ThailandQA.com where you will find the answer to this question and many more. You will find that there are many people that have gone through the same situation as you and I am sure they can help you understand.

sorry but it's just a list of things 00 to do with any women in any country i don't the special aspects about thai culture i could write the same about chinese malaisian french britsh ...i am not impressed sorry
i live in thailand by the way

I would like to add to the "don'ts"......
DON'T talk to your farang friends at length, sometimes extraordinary length, if your girlfriend speaks English not so well, leaving her to sit and try to not look bored. I see this far too often. It is extremely inconsiderate. Any Thai girl this happens to should WALK.

Hi Steve. I have only just found your Do's and Dont's blogs. Spent yesterday evening reading them whilst Kai, my wife was in bed with "morning sickness". I think I avoided most of the blunders over the last two years more by luck than judgement.

I am glad I first went to Thailand with one good friend who also treated Thai ladies with respect, including bar girls. I have met many Brits in the uk who think Thailand means Pattaya and is a Disneyland for divorced males over 40. I would be embarassed to meet these people over there.

Any chance of these blogs being published in hard copy? Most of my middle aged friends haven't the faintest idea what a blog is.

Mick, Halifax UK, (Soon Phetchabun)

thanks steve for respect Thai culture. I see lots of farangs men come to Thailand and they are shopping thai girls. I was mad.We admid that some thai girls are easy to get but its not all of thai girls.

Dear ABS,

You are playing with fire. Don't! I suppose that probable she met new man who can give her more than 20,000 baht/month. Its better to finish with her. there are lots of good thai girls. You can find them but you have to stay away for bar area.

Hi, great site and thanks for the info.It will be a great help as after coming to Thailand for the fourth time I am totally stuck on thai women and cant for the life of me think why I was ever together with european woman!
Although I have some resevations about the good(proper)/bad thai girl. too assume that every girl working in a bar is a bad thai girl is not really correct! most of the thai girls that work in bars are not there through choice but end up there through tragic circumstances for the most part. Surely most of them are also looking for a good man to treat them properly! I never dissrespect thai girls no matter where I meet them, and true to what you say they love it. I just want to make the point that just because a girl works in a bar does not automatically make her a "bad"/not a proper thai girl! yes of course their are other jobs, but if you know thailand then you also know that when a man leaves his wife she gets nothing! and I mean nothing! and is left to fend for herself
Thai girls are the sweetest girls on earth.

Steve (english guy living in sweden)

To add one:
Don't assume that she or her family must be poor. She/her family might have more money then you ever dream off!

Common mistake most foreigners make. They assume all Thais are poor and are looking for the farang money.

hi i am english,farang, have been to thailand once, i love it cannot wait to be there full time, the people, the food, everything is, well just great, if you are supid enough to be in the wrong place and get mugged, you will learn that you are looking in the wrong place for what it is you want.i meet a girl more by luck that anything else, and i have so much respect for her and her family.
Thai culture works well so do not knock it.

i am Glad My fiance isnt that Proper,LOL

good stuff, does give a good start to those who dont know, but ofcourse like many cultures, not all goes the samr for everyone

hi,stephen thanks for ur understanding on the thai culture,yes thai are very close knit to family n i'm about getting engaged to her this will guide to understand. thanks for all

hi , how do i start the ball rolling to bring my longtime girlfriend to the U.K, il be glad of any advice as i have no idea where to start, please contact me at
makkanakka2005@yahoo.co.uk
thankyou for you help and advice
George

p.s i forgot to mention she is from thailand

George, you will find better answers to this question at our Paknam Web Forums as there are people there who have already experienced this.

Wow, I'm very impressed! cant think of any foreigners that know about Thai culture better than you do!! you actually do know how to treat Thai girls way better than some Thai guys!

In this comment, I would rather say some words in support of those who are left behind being called as "proper". Those who fail to be "proper" are not really "not proper". They are human too, and they have needs to cover, and the only way out of these financial difficulties is not to act as "proper". But deep in their heart they are sometimes, much better than many other "so called proper" girls.
Or may be I had given an argument in a wrong blog, but so far, I have read only this one.
On the other hand, I do agree with you Steve on many points, and request all other Thais who posted in here, to reconsider why there are "not proper" girls and boys.

Hi Steve, what a nice set of tips. I visited Thailand many times and met many good Thai girls as friend on internet. They are all respectable and very very good people with respectable jobs. Whenever I come to BKK, they meet me and show me around. Some even travel from close by cities just to see me in person for only couple of hours. We exchange laughs and presents, visit wats, have lunch etc. Even I managed to have a Thai Gf who was also a very nice person. I have not feel ripped off by her at all. She never asked about money or anything like that. She introduced me to her friends who were also similar to her.
In sum, Thai girls are sweet, gentle, kind and good mannered human beings. Who ever has any relationship with a "proper" Thai girl should consider himself as one of the luckiest person in the world and treat his special lady friend with as much as respect possible.

Hi Steve. Heres a story for you... and btw ignore the derogative comments on your chocolate comment.. I am a teacher here in Bangkok and have met a proper Thai girl called Mam. I "love her" Thai style but not Angrit style yet.. to me Angrit love is love that takes many years where you would give your life for your partner. But any how back to the subject we went out last week again for the umptenth date (with friends as always) and Mam refused chocolate pudding and when I asked if she didnt like it her friend said she is trying to diet for me!! I replied jin jin lor?! to which Mam embarrassingly nodded her head!... this was kinda odd seeing as it had now been 3 months of courting and kinda dating (though still havent even kissed) but it goes to show how right you are, they give nothing away!! My beautiful Mam wont hold my hand or tell me she likes me at over quarter of a year but her friends blurted out she wont eat what she loves because she wants to keep me keen. Your chocolate comment was bang on. I was out again tonight with her (and her friends by the way lol) and was putting some pressure on as I feel after 3 months if she still wont take my hand then I am not attractive to her and she cried and phoned her Mum... she handed me the phone.. I spoke with her mum who explained she is scared stiff of a) men and b) Farang.. and that mum, and her husband werent fond of farangs either. Was I upset? no! its a step closer, she had told her mum about me and was 50/50 as to whether I was right for her. I have a great heart and despite being a bit of a lad before have been at my sweetest for the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. So ok. why has it taken so long for her to even admit she likes me?.. (Im only 30 and yunger than Mam by 6 months).. I'll tell you why.. because she invited me to the temple and I said I was aethiest and didnt want to go !.. because on our first date due to a crash I was 30 minutes late!.. beacuse i cant help telling her how beautiful i think she is.. beacuse I have drunk and I have smoked in front of her too much.. I wont go on but with regards to the smoking thng she gave me a present today. nicotine patches costing her 1100 baht.. guess the health point was correct too. I have a heart of gold and only want my Mam.. I sleep alone espite the obvious Bangkok offes every night despite continous offers but I still dont have her.. Why?!!
Because I didnt understand Thai culture.. i will now treat this blog as my bible.. is that low of me? to get the woman I want by using a guide? no way.. you have made me understand and given me the helping hand I so badly needed.. I am 30, want Mam as my wife and want to start a family within 3-4 years.. I have found the woman of my dreams and she wants me but I have been wrong in my actions... thank you for showing me the way. I cant wait now to meet her family and whilst i know they are retisent to meet me i am sure a trip to the temple together will not only help me understand my little Mams culture more (whether I agree or disagree with it) but also make her and her family realise that I want her sooo much that one day I would die for her :)(Angrit stye love)!

Steve thanks for your time spent studying this.. I will mention you at our wedding xx

Thanks Steve for writing what should be handed out to every single guy upon arrival in the Kingdom!

We have linked to this page from our free introductions service web-site as this is ideal advice for all of our clients.

Thanks for all the latest comments. Glad to read that this blog has actually affected relationships in a positive way. Makes me happy.

I am in America and recently met a waitress at a Thai diner. I'll skip ahead like my heart did, but after many positive signs from those around her, I asked her out. By that time I had learned to expect a friend, and there was. It went well as far as I could tell, but being American (and male) I am anxious to find out if I passed the "interview" and if I get a second date. I don't want to seem like I am rushing her, which is my first / worst instinct. If anyone out there has a bit of advice, I sure could use it. I didn't go there looking for a Thai girlfriend. I just went there to eat. What a pleasant surprise it's been!

Been living in Thailand for a long time. It's nice to see such an unjaded view point

good job,

Todd

i recently got engaged to a thai lady,went to thailand twice,met the whole family,paid 100,000 bath to father to marry,she came to aust with me for 2 week holiday, had some trouble, when she would not kiss or hold me,got a little angry,now she is back in thailand, she is not sure about me(i understand)she said she want marry me but she is thai and does not like kissing and holding,is this true about thai women.if so how do i make her believe i can change and learn to understand thai women.

Lets get real here people. Thai women
look good....... but thats about it.
We all know there is a lot of hookers
in Thailand but even most of the other
women with normal jobs have a whore
mentality.
Men also like them because they seem very
smiley . When a thai smiles it does not
always mean they are happy. You show your teeth when you smile, a sign of
aggression! You also have no idea of
what they are speaking about with their
friends. Some of the immoral things
that comes out of these little girls
begs belief.
I have not lived a sheltered life, spent
most of my 24 years of life in London.
I have met people from everywhere in the World and I have to say that Thai people are
probably the least moral people I have
ever met.
Looking at this from a European point
of view, (where most of the men who look
for Thai ladies come from) it is not a
good mix. Most moral people in the
World seeking least moral people.
In a nutshell if your still on the
younger side, kept yourself in good
shape, and like oriental women then
look for a Japenese or Chinese girl.

Never been a religious man but ive finally found something that resembles the ten commandments (there are more than ten i know).

Thanks a lot for the advice, I'm definitely going to apply this. I dont want to disrespect anyone, esepcially when I'm in their country. Its hard being a farang in Thailand sometimes.
As a long haired, shorts and flip flops donning farang I was always advised by a girl I was seeing to dress smart or was asked beforehand what I was going to wear when I was heading into the city to meet her.
Makes sense I suppose!

Good article. Keep up the good work.
Even though Ive been to the 'kingdom' three times in the past year and a half, cant beat a bit of insight!

Steve,
I just wanted to thank you for posting the
Do's and Don'ts on dating a Thai woman.
I met a woman from Thailand here in
San Francisco. We went out on a date and had
a real nice time. There was no holing hands or anything
eels because she had told me that she was not looking
to rush into things for now, since she will be
going back to Thailand in like 3 months.

PS you have a great last name!
My grandfather was also named Stave Cleary

Thanks very much for all your advice, as i have fallen madly in love with a well educated Thai Girl who i am going out to meet at the end of the week.
Your advice should come in handy

I would like to say thank you steve for this, I have a Thai girlfriend that lives in Thailand, I live in America. I with these do's and don't I think that I can become a good boyfriend too her. Thanks again Steve

Realy great advice Steve. Ilive in Thailand and have been married for eight years. I met my wife through an agency and saw a few girls before her she came to England and worked hard with me and brought her two lovely daughters to be educated there. Some points I would like to add - the first girl I took out from the agency was very beautiful and only twenty five , we had a meal and a good chat but she showed no real interest in meeting me again and I came away feeling that she didnt like me-- wrong--what I didnt realise was that they hide their feelings and dont show too much emotion early on and certainly on the first date.I met my wife later in the week and been happy ever since, but after about six days the first girl rang my mobile phone and asked if I would take her out again. I sadly had to tell her that I had met someone and she sounded a bit sad but congratulated me. The moral to this is give then a bit of time, dont try too hard be nice and respectable definately no touching even hands (unless she touches you) and dress in long trousers shirt like the Thais do (they also feel the heat). Remember that there are many classes and status's so try and look classy stop smoking and drink moderately and speak intelegently not like tourist morons. Above all shower regularly because Thais hate body odour and take her to a temple and show respect for her culture ,whats the harm even if you are an atheist (I am lucky because I am Buddhist so understand them). If you are new to Thailand keep out of bars (would you want to marry a European prostitute)? Thailand has a large surplus of girls and ninety percent are normal hard working (and many are wealthy) the reason there are so many is because a large portion of the men go to be monks, many are openly gay which is completely acceptable to Thais and of course there are more females born (I dont know why, must be the hot sun). To Mark I would say that after three months something is not right and I would change something about yourself by folowing these guidelines cut the smoking,drinking to a minimal, dress smartly and shower shower. Ask her to take you to a nice temple and tell you about Buddhism, Tamboon (that means make merit by paying some money or food to the temple monks and tell her that you want to give her the boon). Do not keep on telling her she is beautiful(she already knows but thinks you are a butterfly, going from one flower to another). As I have said above she maybe is a high respectable class and you may not be up to her standards or maybe she is oposite and just using you so try and change something about yourself but set a time limit of say a month and tell her you cant wait any more. To Jeffery Harkins it is unusual to pay money to Thai family BEFORE the wedding day and Thais deffinately like to kiss and hug and hold hands when they are ready (except outdoors)so be careful. Many stupid falangs that look in bars for a girlfriend get ripped off and end up paying money to greedy families and some girls can have ten falangs sending money every month (good game eh? Like I said at first would you marry a whore from your own country?

Like your blog.
Interesting view that Thai girls prefer love to financial security.Would say it`s the direct opposite of the accepted wisdom.
Would be very interested if you could expand

I have been reading about the concerns over the dowry and that its all about buying a wife,this is wrong. In the eyes of a Thai if you dont want to pay a dowry it says that your wife has no VALUE and she is really cheap. My wife was working in Big C as a manageress with 200 staff and some days she worked 20 hours, she was widowed with 2 girls a mother and auntie to support after her dad died but after ten years living like this she was lonely and wanted a partner, so she joined an agency to meet a falang, not for the money but because she had been regarded as fair game by Thai men because she had managed to buy property with her hard work and she new that was what they were after. So along comes a falang (me) that wants to take away the main bread winner and leave the family to fend for themselves with no social security or pension and have my wife work and take care of me and never mind the family! Well when I realised what a deal I was getting I willingly paid a dowry and sent money for the family when we were working in England because when you are accepted by Thai family you are really a part of that family. We visited every year and although finances were some times tight we were always fed well by Mair (mother) and on more than one time were given money to help us back in England (once a thousand pounds she had saved up from what we sent for the family support), she also bought me a Buddha immage in heavy gold and tried her best to make me falang food. The dowry was given back to my wife to fix the car she had crashed so she could ferry me around Thailand so actualy they got nothing from me. The dowry also is a tradition to bring good luck on the couple as with all Thai tradition of TAMBOON in other words you get returned in life what you dish out, good or bad so the more you can give the more you can receive. There is as well the culture of face which is very important to Thais so the dowry is shown and displayed in great style to give big face and improve status and many times its merly symbolic (as much is given back afterwards).This is like the time we wanted to get a visa for my wife to go to England which had been refused, we went to TAMBOON with the Emerald Buddha in Wat Prakao by offering 100 hard boiled eggs and after the offering we took them home for family and friends to eat (as they are regarded Holy medicine). And by the way we amasingly got the visa a few days later (even if you dont believe at least go along with your wifes beliefs because I have witnessed many strange things happen which are completely unexplainable). And above all if you pick the right wife (a respectable girl) you will get much more back than you pay out.

Graham, I have news for you. By tradition, you only pay dowry to a new bride and NOT to someone who has already been married and has children of her own. The dowry is a compensation to the parents for bringing up their daughter. It is also used in case the marriage breaks down. It is simply wrong for parents to ask for this dowry twice.

Thank you Steve,
I just met an amazing Thai woman and this will help me,.., great to see as well all the cheering comments, seems like we all want cross cultural respect and love.

That's a great and highly informative article on dating in Thailand. I couldn't agree more about the whole idea of being polite and respectful but I do think you have to be honest and open even if that shows some frustration about life here. After all she will find out sooner or later and isn't it better to be honest upfront - nowhere is perfect!

this true what you writing about Thai women
we all want cross cultural respect and love

great tips man! i once asked my gf why she didnt diet for me after reading this. she said coz i was fat and if i wanted her to diet, i should diet first. hahahaha it was funny.

hmm i didnt know abt the sweet words part. guess i'll stop telling her things. she likes munching on snacks so even if i dun buy it for her she'll buy it for herself.

one part i dun understand is the refraining from kiss and hugging even when we are alone. i understand the part abt only holding hands in public(sometimes i dun even hold it just coz i feel bad).

Ok Steeve,

Not that i want to be negative, but

I found the dos and don'ts a bit too much.

I do not beleive that there is a standart in "proper thai ladies". And before treating her like a queen, you better be sure she deserves it....

I mean would'nt you give the same treatment for a foreigner girl???

Also, by telling what to do to please a Thai women, it is a way to hide who and how we really are. I would advice the readers of this blog to be natural and and frank. If she is willing to accept who you really are, then, she's probably the one for you.

It would be interesting if you could write the Dos and don'ts of dating a 'proper' Westener Gentelman

Thanks for reading,

Joe (15 years in Thailand and still learning and listening)

I've already written a dos and donts for Western guys. Link above.

Thanks Steeve,

I had a look on the link above and really enjoyed it!

Cheers... Joe

Very good article. I am going to check out your blog!!

hahaha....
most of that are true...but there are something that i disagree:
Do ask to carry her bag for her, she likes a gentleman.
Do speak well about the Thais and her country, she's proud of her country.
Do invite her to make merit at the temple, she'll certainly love that.

Haha, interesting, on the other day i also read an article about dos and donts of dating a filippino girl, good post!

I wrote this after our first date (few weeks ago)for my own personal "journal", after discovering this sight I will post it due to the relevance.

A first date;

I never thought there was a woman out there that makes me feel like this, how lucky I really am. We talked online for months; small talk, trading pictures, and just having fun. ( It was never my intention to meet a Thai girl online, I wasn't looking for anyone to date nor did I use a dating sight, it was actualy by pure coincidence) Next it was the occasional phone call back and forward. I could tell that she wasn't like most girl's I've met, she hasn't grown up in our fast paced society of dating, sex, and bad manners. She was different. She was more conservative and polite than any other girl I've met, I knew I couldn't rush this for she was different.

She is from Thailand. She moved to the US about 2 years ago in a program with her college that she has graduated from in Thailand. She speaks english, not very well, but with a little patience on both our parts, it works out well. Thai woman play hard to get, they are very patient and will not just flirt to mess with you. It makes it that much more special that she was actually interested in me, I was surprised that a young, beautiful, well educated Thai girl was interested in an American such as myself.

We were talking online on her day off when she brought it up those magical words; lets go out....on a date. I hinted this a few times in the past, but could not believe what she has asked me. She works 6 days a week and on her one day off, she asks me. We decided on meeting at a Japanese restaurant in Boston, then a movie afterwards.

I got to Boston about an hour early, and what a long hour it was. Boston is a nice city that I enjoy and it was pleasant people watching for that time. I was anxious, then my phone rang, it was her, she'll be a half hour late. So I stood next to my car for what seemed like another hour watching the people of Boston live their hectic lives.

What seemed like a half a day that went by, it all faded away as soon as I saw her turn that cryptic boston sidewalk. Her curled black hair with silver hair clip, the long boots with heels and beautiful long black skirt; she spent alot of time getting ready and it occured to me why she took that extra half hour.

She greeted me with a large smile, we walked across the street and into the Japanese restaurant. While we ate I could see out of the corner of my eye, her looking at my face, shirt and pants. I will admit I do have a great sense of style and what woman like to see, perhaps it was growing up with 2 older sisters over the years I had an advantage over other men. I would glance back over and she would smile and look forward as if she didn't want me to see her looking at me, it was so cute. We finished dinner and hurried to the movies down the street.

Its hard to believe that a walk in the city at night would be romantic, but there is something about it that is just relaxing being with a person you care so much about in the midst of so many strangers. The movie was, well lets say, more to be desired but what movie is?

Half way through she made the most significant gesture of the night; the resting of her head on my shoulder. At that point in time nothing mattered, a sensation of warmness and meaning sent through my body in a way I cannot begin to describe. I put my hand out in front of her and for the first time in my life I felt the smoothest, softest skin I have ever felt. I now know why Thai woman treat their skin with such care; there is nothing like it.

Maybe I am old fashioned for my age (23, she is also 23), but most girls my age are just rude and "fast paced" for me. There is something so special about the patience and manners that she has. We went on a second date recently that went equaly as well, I bought her some earings and she couldn't stop talking about them. I wish sometimes she would express herself more to me, but I know deep down she is there with me, its culturaly different to express our emotions.

I absolutley love your doe's & don'ts I will be visiting thailand for first time in january not going for the sex but for as you say its culture is probably the best in the world. I have been webcaming a thai girl for almost a year now and hope to meet her when I travel there wish me luck and. Will report back if I come back that is? Thanks again steve. David

Stupid. Irrespective of origin, all girls want is to you to be a bad boy. Treat them like crap and they will love you for that. Girls like bad boys, marry good guys and cheat on their husbands with bad boys. So guys, slap that woman now!

i m a male 41 from turkey. i like thai girls. i wanna visit thailand at june 2009 . my purpose is meeting on internet with a thai girl before go thailand my msn is okan1708@hot...com
thai girls can add me and we can chat

I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this before, but the Thai girls i have met feel embarassed by public shows of affection. Even hand holding in public is frowned on. It might be acceptable to westernised women in parts of big city culture, but village girls tend to be more tradional in this respect.

Yea am proud of having such kind of fantastic mails n comments, but will u please try to find me a very beatiful woman to get married with.
I willbe so much graeteful if u will. TAKE CARE am a Tanzanian

I have to agree with everybody that posted great comments about the do's and don'ts. I really enjoyed this page, great info and so true. Awesome job...

Do realise that most Thai girls would prefer a guy that seriously loved her to an unfaithful guy with loads of cash, she wants you to understand that.
Maybe because you're a white farang,the money/income status is higher.The girls have different view on us "other colors farang".Please comment.Anyway it's an interesting subject.I really enjoy reading it and thanks for the effort.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart, Steve, for trying to understand us Thai girls out here. Feel so good that you're not those farangs, thinking that Thai girls are easy! Unfair stereotype always stings!

Steve
I have just started dateing a very beautiful Thai lady and just dont know how to explan how good it feels to be part of her life and reading your do,s and dont,s sure has helped open things up Thanks for taking the time

Hi Steve and Everyone,
I really enjoy reading your bloggs. They are just great! I am learning a lot about Thailand and the people of Thailand.
I am planning to come to Thailand for about 30 days and hope to find the girl of my dreams and get married in Thailand.
I have a lot of question and hopefully you or some of your readers may be able to answer for me.
1. I would like to have the freedom of my own transportation by renting a car. Do farangs have any problems driving, are there any things I should be concerned about driving in Thailand.
2. I do not want to stay at hotels but would like to rent a room or pay a family to stay with them for a few days in different areas of the country. I want to get to know the people of Thailand, not hotel employees and other tourists. Do you have, or does anyone know if there is such a list or organization that can help with that,
3. Since Thailand borders on a number of other countries, and I plan to travel all over the country I would like to just step into each of the other countries, just to say I have been there. I notice that roads in Thailand cross over into the other countries. What do you have to do to be able to cross over into the other countries for a few minutes or a few hours. Can anyone help here.
4. I write books and want to take my laptop with me. Will it be safe to bring it?
5. If I find A family to live with in an area I will probably use that like the spoke of a wheel and make days trips to all different areas. If I planned a trip that would be overnight what are the most inexpensive places to spend the night at.
6. I am a very religious person and would like to visit many of the temples, can anyone offer any do's and don't's in regard to that.
7. Also, I have read that it is possible for a person to spend the night or stay at the temple. Can anyone advise me regarding this?
8. If I decide I would like to stay longer than my visa how much of a problem can I expect that to be.
9. If I find the girl of my dreams and marry while I am there and we decide to honeymoon touring Thailand, would we be able to stay with families if I should find any to stay with? If my new wife is much younger than me can I expect to have any problems with the people or renting a room anywhere?.
I thank everyone for all the help. If you would like to contact me my email is opaltalk@earthlink.net. Your comments are most welcome

I met a proper Thai girl in Chiang Rai--doesn't drink, university girl, brought two friends on the first date. Things were going well until she heard another Thai woman speaking because I was in a copy shop when I was getting off the phone with her. I think she got the wrong idea because she blocked my number after that conversation. Now she'll never know whether I'm a good guy or not, but oh well. I think in this case the communication gap was too wide anyhow.

Steve, your advice is sound. There are huge misconceptions about Thai women and it is very difficult to find online information about dating good Thai girls. I'm 28, and I'm only interested in an educated, conservative woman who I can have a real relationship with--no one-night stands or bargirls for me. Thanks for helping keep the record straight. These women deserve our respect.

I am preparing to get engaged in Thailand. I have seen many different versions and many different suggestions. In our case we are going to honor the 1 year recommendation of being engaged and then married after that. I have been to her home and on the second day her family warmed up to very good. As I do not want to do anything wrong in accordance to customs could you provide me the step by step things I am support to do and in what order. My girlfriend did tell me I would have to bring the dowry on this trip. I also understand I have to ask her father first. do I just hand him the money after asking or is there a more correct way. l do not speak any Thai would be more proper for me to take a interpertor rather than have my girlfriend speak for me. Just dont want to make any mistakes.

Phil
I think you are a bit too innocent for this kind of comittment.
The fact that you have so many questions should tell you something.
Try and discover the place for yourself first and then look to the relationship side of things.
Spending time travelling in Thailand is highly rcommended because there is no right or wrong way for you unless you discover it for yourself first.

You are all very naive. Thailand is not the place to come to "fall in love" with a woman. There are so many differences between Thai/Asian culture and western culture and you all tend to see things through western glasses. Please all grow up and read some of the horror stories of men who have fallen in love here - not just with "bar-girl" but with any girl.

wowwwwww this is what i can say.

Hi Mam,
Can u recognize me? I am your Nannu met U few days ago at Bangkok Bar near Nana. We together went for Pattya beach tour. I told U if you need anything call me I will send those from here. I am from India. I love u very much. Pls mail me at my address: james_peter31@yahoo.co.uk

Great post! Meet Beautiful Thai women.

I was going to write a similar blog concerning this topic, you beat me to it. You did a nice job! Thanks and well add your RSS to come categories on our blogs. Thanks so much, Jon B.
"http://www.universityloveconnection.com

In the wrong hands, your post could ruin "good" thai girls, but was very educational. Hopefully, your post will be used by "honest" men looking to meet thai girls, instead of foreigners just looking for a good time. I ended up meeting a "good" girl, and it was very different than my experiance with western women. Asian women take care of their men. Your post has helped me bridge part of the culture gap. Thankyou.