Category Archives: True Confessions

This is the conclusion to my previous story Confessions of a Thai Minor Wife.

Just how long has it been, since you got yourself into your present relationship?

Quite long, around 2 years. I couldn’t be bothered committing myself to anyone, I didn’t want to be heart-broken again.

So, how did you start dating this current ‘boyfriend’ of yours?

First, I got myself a job at a well-known car company in Bangkok working in the purchasing department and met some new friends. We started going out sometimes but I had changed a lot – I didn’t drink or go to nightclubs so much blah blah blah. I saw that my friends in the company were always complaining about their boyfriends, it seemed that there were very few decent guys in the world. Well, one night one of the big bosses arranged a small welcoming party for one of his foreign customers at a Beer Garden not too far from the company on Pathanakarn road. He invited some of his staff, including myself. I got talking to one of the other bosses from the company who I had only seen around before, ‘Phee Korn’. We got talking about the usual stuff, I thought he was a nice guy and when he asked me for my phone number, I gave him it.

Geez, you gave your phone number to this guy pretty easily. But you told me that you were fed-up with guys, not interested in them anymore etc…

Probably because he didn’t try and hit on me or anything like that, he was just being friendly. He had a high position in the company too, so I thought it would be impolite to refuse him. Anyway, he soon started calling me every day at the same time in the evening while I was in my apartment – he was different.

What do you mean by “He was different”?

A lot of older guys I had given my phone number to before, would just start ‘sweet-talking’ to me like I was some kinda cheap Chinese Doll who thought I would be licking my lips at the idea of going out with them. These guys would start off talking about work, asking me about my job, family, education – being friendly like, then would next ask me about “Do you have a boyfriend?” I would say “No” and then the next thing they would start saying was “Are you sure?” and “Why not”. Just the same script crap I was used to when I was in High School. A lot of these guys had never grown up, were still acting like teenage boys. They didn’t like it when I wasn’t impressed, I think some guys with money get angry when a girl they like refuses a date. Korn was different, he didn’t change from the first time he called, he was so open that I could tell him about my past, family, thoughts and past boyfriend. And unlike most guys, he was sincere when I asked him about his personal life.

Tell us more about his personal life.

Ok, he didn’t want to speak too much but he told me that he was already married and had two kids. Other older guys who would call and chat me up, would never admit that they had a wife already, even though everyone knew. They either think some women are plain stupid or just don’t care (if they’re telling the truth or not).

Didn’t you feel guilty about getting into a relationship with this guy who already had a wife and kids?

Steve, listen. Ok, It wasn’t as simple as that. I want you to understand that we were only friends for a long time ‘I would call him Phee Korn’ as in elder brother. I didn’t feel guilty one bit, we weren’t doing anything wrong. Sometimes he would take me out for dinner alone and sometimes we would go out with other staff from the company. But there was nothing to it. I think that when he was talking with me, he didn’t feel afraid to express his feelings. He could tell me about his work and personal problems, he could be honest with me and speak the truth. In Thailand, people don’t like to talk with someone of the opposite sex about personal problems, I think that is why he liked me from the beginning. He didn’t have to feel afraid to tell me anything, especially about his wife.

Was he having problems with his wife then?

Well not exactly, but from what he told me anyway there wasn’t much love involved. He explained that their relationship was just about him going to work, raising the family and taking care of his wife about this and that. I think him and her were bored, but that’s Thai-style, after you get married in Thailand that’s end of all romance. It’s not the same as ‘Farang’ even when they are 60 years-old they walk down the street holding hands and go on holiday together as a couple. It’s not the same in Thailand.

Let me ask before we go on, about how your relationship with Korn got serious.

We were only friends for about a year, nothing else. I started to like him a lot, he wasn’t like any other guy I had known before. I was beginning to sense that there was some kind of chemistry between us.

Go on…

I remember it was a Friday and he wanted to go out. He had told me before that his wife always expected him back not after 9 o’clock but for that long weekend, she had taken the kids upcountry to her hometown. He felt like going out for a drink and listening to some live music. All his other friends weren’t free that night and so I said I would go along as company. I didn’t think anything about it. We had a really fun night, I hadn’t seen him so happy before, like he could let go of his feelings and be young and single again. We had quite a lot to drink and one thing led to the next and we ended up in a hotel for the night.
After that, nothing could be the same again. The following weekend, he told his wife he had some business away from home and we went to Khao Yai (a national park in Nakhorn Ratchasima province). From then on, I guess we have been lovers, or as we say in Thai ‘I am his mia-noi’.

Ok, so you are his mistress, does that mean he gives you a lot money or something?

Not at all, I have my job and I don’t need his money. I’ve never asked him for a single baht. If he gives me something, then he lays it on the table sometimes. Maybe he wants me to give it to my parents, put it in the bank to save, or buy something nice, But even if he didn’t, I wouldn’t be too worried.

You told me a while back that you have your condo and car. Now, you said too that you don’t earn so much, so where did you get the money for all that, did Korn buy them for you?

No, not really. I didn’t tell you before Steve, but I don’t actually own my own car and condo, it is all in his name. He bought the condo and lets me stay there, same goes for the car, I suppose he just wants my life to be more convenient. Don’t think that I am in this relationship for his money, no way I didn’t care from the beginning for any of his finance. I just liked him for what he is, besides he gives most of his money to his wife. She’s the one who spends all his money, not me.

Can I ask you now, if you feel guilty being a mistress, messing around with a married man?

All right I suppose I do, but you have to understand that a lot of married Thai women would prefer their husbands to have the one mistress than having to visit prostitutes.

Are you being serious?

Sure I am. Anyway, I think she already knows, doesn’t care that much, just as long as he is the one that hands over most of his salary, making sure that he doesn’t go spending much on us. I think she knows that I can give him what she can’t, like good conversation and friendship. I don’t think she really minds, that’s Thai-style, as long as I don’t steal him away making problems for the family and getting a divorce etc..

Most foreigners think that Thai guys only have a minor wife for the sex, what do you think about that?

It’s not true. Ok, me and Korn sleep together but it’s not even a weekly event. I know one other friend in the company who is also a mistress and she says it’s the same for her.

Do your colleagues in the company know then that you are the mistress to one of the directors?

The only people who know are my close friends, I suspect some people are suspicious but they don’t know for sure.

And your family?

As for my mum, dad and brothers – no way, I could never tell them. My younger sister knows though. We are real close so we can talk about anything.

So, what is her reaction to her elder sister living the life of a mistress.

She said that it was my life and that I was the one responsible for what I do. She supports me but I’m sure that she is hoping that one day I find myself a proper husband, settle down and have kids.

What are you hopes and plans for the future, are you going to continue being a mistress all your life?

I don’t know yet. Korn always says to me “Have you met someone you wanna marry yet?” He also says that he doesn’t mind if I split up with him, leave him for another man and get married. He understands what most women want, a secure family and kids. He just advises me that if I do meet someone else that he is a sincere warm guy, who will always love me even after we get married. He says he doesn’t want me to make the same mistakes he made and rush into a relationship with someone, only to find out later that there isn’t any true love involved. I try to tell my parents that too. My mum and dad understand, they would prefer me to stay single than marry a guy who doesn’t really love me.

Do you want to marry Korn one day?

No. I don’t want to break up his family for me. I would really pity his kids, then I would feel really guilty. I may be a bit bad but not as bad as that.

To end this interview, is there anything else you would like to say?

Not really. But I would like everyone to know that even mistresses too have hearts. Not every mistress is the bad one. Sometimes the man needs a mistress, it’s better than getting divorced and breaking up the family like in foreign countries. Most foreigners don’t know, but it’s quite normal in Thailand to be a minor wife.

Getting the idea

Not so long ago, I started work on compiling a set of interviews with a variety of Thais from different sectors of society. The interview below, the first of two parts, was the first one which I completed.
I originally met Yui by a chance a couple of years ago and we became good friends. She had always told me that she had a boyfriend and I would often see him come pick her up, take her to eat and buy her stuff etc…It was only after knowing her for the better part of one and half years that she admitted one evening “Steve, Yui pen mia noi na”. (“Steve, I am a minor wife). Actually, I wasn’t very surprised, perhaps she thought that I knew all along – Thai-style like…..she guessed I would find out all by myself.

As you will read, Yui can certainly think for herself; she is charming, has a fun personality and without a doubt would have no problem at all, at just 30 years of age, to find a ‘proper’ boyfriend. She prefers to live though, the life of a minor wife (mistress) – and it is that which encouraged me to encourage her, to tell her story.
In this translation of the interview, I have tried my best to keep to Yui’s style of wording – only some names have been changed. The first part concerns Yui’s life…… prior to becoming a Thai Mistress.

Maybe you could start by telling us a bit about your family.

Sure. I’m the forth of five children. I’ve got an elder sister, a younger sister and two elder brothers. I still got my mum and dad, they live in Pathumthani province – my mum used to be a teacher and my dad used to work for the local government administration. As for my brothers, one of them works as an engineer in Bangkok and the other stays near our parents home running his own small Garage business. They are already married with children, same goes for my elder sister, she lives in Nonthaburi. Now, my younger sister too, is in a relationship with some guy but she didn’t say if she had plans to get married. Anyway, I think she’s still too young for commitment, she’s just turned 25.

So, it doesn’t sound like you come from a poor family.

My family aren’t poor and they aren’t rich, but they do all right. My parents are retired now and they get a government pension. When we were younger, our parents didn’t save much money for themselves as they wanted to spend their savings on giving their children the best education. We all pity our parents though and try to send money home as often a possible, you can say it’s a kind of traditional payback. But to tell you the truth, my parents don’t really need the money – they live a simple life, like a ‘self-sufficiency economy’.

You spoke about your parents giving their children the best education. Please explain.

Except for one of my brothers, we all went to university in Bangkok and so my parents had to pay for all of that. Our dad wanted us to study hard and that meant no working at the same time. So, you can think how much he had to pay for everything. On top of that, my brother and I went to private universities which cost a lot.

How about your university days?

My university was located on Rangsit-Viphavadi road, not too far I guess from the old airport. It’s quite a famous university and most students who go there can learn to speak English well. But, not me! I graduated in Business Administration but since I liked to go out a lot with friends, go to parties, go to nightclubs, drink and stuff – my grades were low.

You sound like you were a bit of a wild student. Did your parents know?

No way, I could never have let them known, they would have been really sad.

Were your parents very strict?

Not at all, the very opposite – especially dad. When I was growing up my parents were protective of me but at the same time they would let me do my own thing, I suppose you can say I was a spoilt kid.

You are an attractive woman, so I can imagine that you had a lot of guys hitting on you during your time at university.

Hah! Most of my friends were actually guys, I always hung around more with my male friends. I guess I liked their life-styles, partying and drinking – most of my girlfriends though, as they lived with their parents in Bangkok, wouldn’t go out that much. In Thai society it’s all right for guys to do what they want, like sleeping around with a lot of girls and although I didn’t encourage such practices, I accepted it as the normal kind of male behaviour. At that time I was pretty scared of getting AIDS or something so there was no way that I wanted to get into any kind of intimate relationship with one of them.

Are you trying to say that you never had a boyfriend then?

No, I had a boyfriend, but since he wasn’t part of our circle, I didn’t bother telling my friends about him. I don’t think they would have taken to him that much anyway. He wasn’t like them.

Please explain further.

He was a really clean guy, clean on the outside anyway. He didn’t smoke, drink or do drugs. He wasn’t a student too, he worked for his father’s business in Thonburi (Western Side of Bangkok). His family were rich and he had been to study in America before.

Did you meet his family?

Yes, but they didn’t like me. Kind of looked down on me, I think they wanted their son to marry a really proper Thai girl, a girl who would bow and kiss their feet and serve their son like a maid not a wife.

You sound angry.

Who me? My dad had always brought me up to have self-pride and taught me that everyone was equal. Yes, I was very proud of all the things he had done for his family. He also taught me that I should look for a husband that really loves me for what I am, regardless to whether he is rich or poor. That’s why I didn’t like his parents, they would look at me a like I was a country-bumpkin who only wanted to marry into money. I loved my boyfriend a lot and just had to put up with his parents but I tried to meet them as little as possible. In my heart too, I was wishing that one day they would accept me.

You were really serious about this guy then.

Sure, I thought he was the perfect guy. He cared about me a lot, was very kind and didn’t fool around with any other girls. One thing I liked about him too was that he was more grown up than my friends – he was about 28 – he was more responsible and hard-working – we could have a decent conversation about more-or-less anything. He was the first guy I ever took to meet my parents and they liked him a lot, my boyfriend would buy lots of little gifts for mum and even bottles of imported wine for dad. They believed him too and so I would use him to explain that I was a diligent well-behaved student who did nothing in her free time besides reading books!

What did your boyfriend think about your wildish behaviour?

He didn’t really care that much. I don’t know why but he completely trusted me. Sure, he cared for me but just like my dad, he thought the best way to deal with a wayward girl was to just let her go but support and teach her along the way. He was glad though when I graduated from university and got myself a job.

So, what happened?

Let me say first, I loved the guy so much that I put up with family insults and sarcasm, I just hoped that they would one day see me in a brighter light. My dad would have been very upset if he had known, but my boyfriend would often come to sleep over at my place and we would sometimes go away for the weekend just him and me. I never suspected anything, I was so stupid, it’s unbelievable. His family would often call him, like he was a big baby or something, asking him what he was doing and what he was up to, so I didn’t think anything when a cousin of his ‘Tuk’ would call a lot.

The first time I started to find out the truth, was the time I accidentally found a strange mobile phone zipped-up in his bag. I asked him whose mobile phone it was and he replied that it was one of his friend’s – he had forgotten it or some crap like that. Just then while I was holding the thing, someone called in, but the phone’s sound and vibration mode had been turned off. To cut a long story short, I found out that this ‘cousin’ of his was in fact his new girlfriend – she knew about us and was waiting all along for us to split up. After a bloody row not long after, he disappeared and that was the end.

How did you feel after the relationship ended?

I wasn’t just heart-broken but I felt like a dumb idiot who had been used like some dirty rag. I felt bitter too abut his family who were probably celebrating. I was also mad about that girl ‘Tuk’ who had no heart – she just came in deliberate to destroy our relationship. After that, I didn’t have any proper boyfriends for a long time – sure, I went out with some guys, even had casual safe-sex at times, but I just couldn’t trust guys anymore. I was also really embarrassed too, to tell my parents – I knew that if they knew the truth they would be very hurt. So, I just said that he went abroad to further his studies and that he would be back one day.

You seem to be very open and frank.

My parents always tried to teach me to speak my mind and let go of my feelings. So, that’s what I do – but not always with them – I don’t wanna hurt their feelings anymore.

Update: Read the conclusion on thai-blogs.com by clicking here.