Author Archives: Stephen Cleary

PSY from Gangnam Style Comes to Thailand

Gangnam Style Flash-mob Event, Siam Paragon: Even though I may not be the biggest fan of Korean star PSY, I wasn’t going to pass the opportunity to grab one of “500 Free Tickets to Gangnam Style Thailand Extra Live” (courtesy of Coca Cola). Advertised as “Biggest Gangnam flash-mob ever”, all we had to do to get free tickets was dance, or should I say straddle along, to Psy’s mega youtube hit at Siam Paragon.

Well, even before I got off the bus at Central World just down the road from the event, it bucketed down of rain, Thailand-style. But certainly not cool season style; it isn’t supposed to rain that bad in late November. Disappointment: Number One. Arriving at Siam Paragon, later than planned and in soggy socks, I wasn’t surprised that the activities had been postponed. I did, however, have no problems signing up for free tickets as everyone else had obviously got stuck in the rain along the way….

Now, this event was advertised as a ‘flash-mob’ – but according to my Internet definition, a flash-mob is supposed to be an unofficial/kinda illegal dance. One similar I imagined to thousands of yellow-shirts bopping away to some concert during their storming of Bangkok International Airport a few years ago. Of course, this was none of the sort, instead there were more than a hundred plain-clothed dancers rehearsing, an hour or so, before they appeared again at the event in either hot Coke outfit, sexy-nurse outfit or strange looking janitor outfits… Very luckily the sun come out… thank Godness ; and the crowds, of which many were university students who were jumping afternoon lectures, began to appear. And so did hundreds of crates of free Coke for all the participants and on-lookers.

Even though the turn-out was disappointingly low due to the damp weather, Coke did nonetheless manage make a television commercial out of the event. And to add a bit of flavor, they nicely mixed in a bout of Loy Krathong dancers… Because of my awesome Gangnam moves, Coke even gave me a leading dance part in the television commercial…. about 2 seconds worth! Unfortunately, none of were paid for dancing Gangnam-style for 15 or so minutes….. but were instead all given a free ticket to PSY’s concert at SCG Stadium (Muangthong Thani Football Club) on the 28 November. Richard Barrow also managed to scoop a free ticket, even though the closet he got to dancing was waltzing around the spectators trying to get the best pics….. as seen in this blog.

PSY Gangnam Concert, SCG Stadium: On the morning of the concert, all of us in Bangkok wake up to the freakiest cool season rain of the year. It had literally poured down all night, so much so, that our roof was leaking and our unclosed rubbish bin was overflowing with stench! Disappointment: Number 2. By this time I had a spare free ticket for the open-air concert, and even though it was free, I couldn’t find a single friend who wanted go. By lunch, due to the continuous rain, I had Richard Barrow ‘tweet’ the ticket to anyone who wanted to go; fortunately within an hour I was on my say to SCG Stadium with a new Russian buddie. Which, in fact, isn’t far from Bangkok Immigration, yes that place most folk go to extend their tourist/non-immigration visas. But, Bangkok Immigration, isn’t actually in Bangkok itself, it’s in Nonthaburi province.

The concert itself was to start at 7:30pm, but all the sponsors had promised “Fun and exciting activities starting at 3pm!”Instead, at 4pm at SCG with the rain still drizzling, the only fun thing we saw worth enjoying the sight of were AIR ASIA promo girls stood at the gates in wet-shirts! Apart from that, all the afternoon activities had been delayed. Disappointment: Number 3. Not wanting to get any more wet, we headed to Muang Thong Thani’s huge food court for a couple of bevvies before having a super cheap steak at Easy Steak restaurant nearby; two big steaks for 200 Baht ain’t easy to find these days.

Hooray! After 18 hours of continuous rain, it disappeared as quickly as it arrived. And before the crowds could arrive at the gates, the ticket touts had already secured their place. With wads of tickets in their hands, the touts were selling ‘FREE’ concert tickets for 500Baht! Just for a laugh I haggled the price down, and sure enough, within 10 seconds the real going rate was 200 Baht a ticket. It was totally pointless to buy a ticket from these touts as sponsors as AIR ASIA were handing out Free tickets left, right and center inside the gates. All one had to do to get a ticket was dance a bit of Gangnam-style with an Air Asia girl for the sponsor’s photograph – as easy as pie! Then, as the the AIR ASIA presenter girls were even better-looking than most of their air-hostesses’, I soon had so many free tickets in my hand that I just returned them!

As my ticket was ‘standing’ (personally, much preferred) I had no problem getting right to the front of the stage, right in front of the projector cameraman actually. For my front row efforts my mug-shot face was on the big screen for the 20,000 audience for the rest of the night! Not surprisingly, I was surrounded by screaming girls who just loved the imported Korean DJ and singer (before PSY came out). Being surrounded by junior high school girls bopping about, I pictured myself alongside Jimmy Saville on Top of the Pops!

Nearing 10pm, the concert had already been running for more than two hours – PSY finally appeared (after another 20 minute floor-mopping session in between!) PSY tried to cheer the lower-than-expected audience in attendance with plenty of banter. He also knew quite a bit of Thai language to my, and everyone else’s surprise. He put on a good show though, even though it was quite short; about half an hour. Climaxing his performance of course with the one-and-only, Gangnam-style. Altogether, however, it was an enjoyable day out

Night out at a Bangkok Cabaret!

Just recently, last Friday night to be more exact, the Paknamweb Team were invited to witness, for ourselves, Bangkok’s latest extravaganza, Playhouse Theater Cabaret at the renowned Asia Hotel.

On arrival, we were met personally by the very friendly and courteous management team who had drinks in our hands before we could even sit down. And then, before we could even raise our glasses we were introduced to one of the stars of the show, the gorgeous Ms Oot. Originating in the Rose of the North, Chiang Mai, the Playhouse team just moved into the Asia Hotel on 19 October, “We had wanted to attract a wider and more international audience” said Thomas Swain their social media and community specialist.

The cabaret is choreographed by Ramon Vizmanos from The Philippines, a flamboyant and gracious performer himself who was first dancing on stages when he was still in his diapers! As for the skills on stage, Ramon told us, “Our performers had to take three months of intensive preparation, and till now, three hours of training and rehearsal each day before they can take to the stage”. So, with the hottest mixture of the most experienced and highly trained performers and crew east of Chelsea Football Club, we were then expecting, of course, a razzamatazz…..

Unlike most other cabaret venues in Thailand, we were delighted to see that the Asia Hotel does NOT seat thousands of spectators who need to get out their binoculars to get a decent view of the show. Instead, the maximum capacity is just 350 people. Thomas explained, “We much prefer to give our audience that boutique homely feel, where they too can have the opportunity to interact with the show”. In fact, Granddad could take a table so near the stage that he would need his ventilator at the sight of the most beautiful and exquisite dancers!

What Playhouse Theater Cabaret also doesn’t offer, however, is slap-stick sleaze. Thankfully instead, they have put together a professional cast, comprising of extremely talented and energetic young performers of every gender. So, if its full-in-face totally erotic action you are looking for, you had better go to Pattaya!

Starting off with a very usual Thai-traditional attire and dancing melody, I thought, “Oh no… not another Thai-style show with a handful of performers”. But, how wrong was I to be! Instead we were breath-taken at twenty or more different set changes, including a cast of forty performers, whose ‘quick-change’ routines would have won them a place in the Final of America’s Got Talent. With stunning interactive backgrounds, we were taken aback by a myriad of kaleidoscopic color and creativity. The sensational around-the world modern-era performances ranged from: Pop dance to 80s dance to love ballads to Chinese opera to Mary Poppins to Flamenco and breakdance. And that’s just an example!

Personally, my favorite performance of the night was a wonderful rendition of Mr Bojangles in true Fred Astaire banjo and tap-dance style. As for my wife, Ms Su, she just loved the splashes of improvised comedy added throughout the show – and not forgetting, the shear beauty of the performers and their costumes. “The best fun I had all year”, said Su enthusiastically at the end of the evening – after taking ‘free’ pics with the cast. Yes, in contrast to other cabaret shows I could mention, there is no charge to take pics with your favorite performers here!

So, if it’s family-friendly night out of variety and awe you are after, get on hopping down to Playhouse Theater Cabaret the next time you are Bangkok!

Every Night of the Week.
1st Show 20:15 – 21:30.
2nd Show 21:45 – 23:00
Show Only: 1,200THB per person
Show & Dinner: 1,800THB per person

Asia Hotel Bangkok
296 Phayathai Road (in front of Ratchathewi Skytrain Station)
Tickets can be booked/purchased online, via respectable agents or at the hobby of Asia Hotel
For more details see:
http://www.playhousethailand.com/

How to Become a Model/Actor in Thailand

A variety of profile photographs is essential

OK. So, you have just arrived in the Land of Noodle Soups & Nose jobs and you want to make it big as a famous actor, model, stuntman or even comedian. Actor (also means actress, so ladies do not be put off!) and ‘model’ can mean anyone acting etc…. either on the big screen or in print ads. Chances are however, you will have more chance of winning the Thai lottery than becoming a huge success!

Now, most folk who have never worked in the lucrative world of ‘modelling’, automatically flinch at the word ‘model’ and imagine one to either have a hunky six-pack, or , if you are a lady of course, looks to have any man watering at the mouth. In reality, a model may be nothing of the sort; he/she maybe 65 years of age and weigh-in at 250 pounds. It all depends, quite simply, on what the client needs.

with… two of Thailand’s most wanted models

Having worked on-and-off in the business for donkey’s years, I have constantly seen all the same mistakes made by wanna-be stars. Now, would you go to a job interview as a DJ wearing a black dinner jacket and top hat? Doubt it. Often, of course, there are no actual job interviews for actors/models; you are usually chosen as a possibility for a job by your profile and photographs; the latter of super-importance.

First & foremost, put together the best pics of you possible; a big variety of photographs; pics that will be relevant to clients’ need. Just a few weeks ago I was responsible for finding “25-30yr farang lady to act as businesswomen in Thai soap opera”. Sure enough, my email inbox in the morning had lady applicants sending me photos of them in bikini, sexy stockings and very visible cleavage. The lady who I did finally choose, sent me polite pics of her in skirt and neat blouse from her English language classes. Remember, if for instance, the ad reads “foreigner, ‘gay’ looking” and you want to apply, then send them pics of you posing gayish (as one of my profile pics here). This message is so simple to understand but 90% of applicants are ignorant of it; they are wasting their own and client/productions’ time.

Even my wife, on the right not left!, can getting a TV acting job if she knows how to apply!

There is an extreme amount of competition these days (compared to the days of yesteryear) and this is especially applicable for ‘good-looking foreign ladies’. The competition is now flooded with ‘beauties’ from the former Soviet Union; be warned. The competition is far less for ‘old’ foreigners, South Asians and, blacks especially. Many of the TV commercials made in Thailand are foreign productions; ie.. Indian, Japanese and even European etc….

If you prefer to sign-up personally with modeling agencies than scouting the Internet for freelance work, then select professional/worthy agencies that have been in the business for years. Again, there is no need to look like Matt Damon or Victoria Beckham; agencies need all types of age, height and size etc…. a respectable agency will take all the photos for you, however, they will be the owner of those pics and not you! Under no circumstances, pay an agent a fee! Any agency who asks you to pay any kind of money is a scam! A proper agency will take their approx. 30% commission if they find you a job.

Ok… stayed tuned for Part Two and direct modeling/acting contacts!

Thailand: Greatest Urban Myths (Part 2)

(The crime scene of almost every Farang ‘murder’ in Pattaya – the infamous Pattaya hotel balcony)

As a Farang in Thailand we have all heard some of the most laughable quack-wack Thailand myths: ladyboys who have coaxed clients back to their rooms only to drug ‘em and cut out their kidney (and after sell it to a hospital), tuk-tuk drivers who are part of a dangerous mafia syndicate and dodgy cashiers who stuff items in your bag before calling in the police on charges of theft. As mentioned in part one, even some ‘journalists’ pick up on these pathetic myths, or even conspiracy theories, and sell them to some naff tabloid back home. And on the subject of conspiracy theories too this time around, a classic from last year was the David Carradine story (or former Mr Kung Fu himself). Instead of sticking to the forensic reports, sensationalist articles written claimed that Mr Kill Bill was in fact murdered, for example, by a couple of well-endowed ladyboys he had met in Patpong earlier that night. (Read this blog for more info on one of the hilarious articles published).

Then we have just the simple Thailand myths like: Thais stand up for the national anthem at the cinema, the word Farang is derogatory, gambling is a serious crime, Thais never criticize the monkhood,Thai women married to Farang can not own land and all the poor people love Thaksin Shinawatra.

Pattaya Flying Club ‘Suicides’

Probably the best told Thailand urban myth over the past few years is that all the Farangs who commit suicide in Pattaya by jumping from hotel balconies were in fact the victim of cold-blooded murder. With the cover-ups so intricately planned, it could go down as the best drunken barstool conspiracy theory since Elvis was abducted aliens and returned to Earth as a Phuket jet-ski operator. Even though 66 year-old Henrick weighs in at 220 pounds, his skinny-as-a-chopstick former teenage ‘wife’ standing at 5 foot 1 in high-heels is miraculously able to throw Henrick over a one-meter high Pattaya 15th floor hotel balcony. She then flees the scene on the back of her Thai lover’s motorbike. According to the best myth-tellers, everyone was involved: the cops knew it was murder but for the sake of tourism they put it down as suicide. The housekeepers, check-in staff and security guards, they all knew the ‘truth’ but got paid backhanders to keep quiet. It gets told (in that ever-popular “I used to drink with the guy” fashion) that even though Henrick drank 17 bottles of Thai hootch on a daily basis, enjoyed messing around on the side with local Lolitas while occasionally indulging in a ladyboy three-some, was actually a perfectly normal guy.

The Thai Language Has No Tenses – It’s So Easy

Another classic myth which has done more rounds than a rabid Thai dog with a piece of meat tied to its tale. Even though Joe from Ireland has a limited personal Thai vocabulary of just ‘Sawatdee khrap’, ‘Sway mak mak’ and ‘Check bin’, has in his 3 months in Thailand learned from a hundred other Thai language wanna-be speakers that the Thai language does not have a past tense, passive tense, future tense, present perfect tense – absolutely no tenses at all. It is the simplest language imaginable. Joe goes on to state that anything with a brain could master the language in 6 weeks. After a year, however, when Joe finally admits that he still can’t put even a basic sentence together in the Thai language spouts out “Arrh… I’m just too lazy to learn”.

All Thai Women Wanna Have a Farang Boyfriend

Do they heck! Definitely another one of those rumours spread by expat barstool types who has never struck up any conversation with any proper Thai girl. Instead, all he has ever heard from ‘his’ Thai girl friends is that since every Thai man beats his lover, elopes with every female family member under the age of 16 and constantly drinks himself stupid before breakfast before finally running off with another damsel, is the reason that every Thai women would like a ‘responsible’ Farang boyfriend. Sucker Farang is oblivious that this is coming from a woman who has had four kids by Thai men and is dating a dancer who works in a men-only bar up the road. The reality is, there are a lot of proper Thai women out there who would be interested in having a Farang boyfriend, but to put them all in the same boat is ludicrous.
(Steve notes: There is another fairytale myth around that goes “Thai-Chinese women from well-to-do families wouldn’t be seen dead marrying a Farang”)

The Ice is Bad for You & “I Had Food Poisoning”

Let’s start with that guidebook to Thailand favourite myth of dirty ice and it’s bad for you. Ok ok… there could be a little possibility of this if it’s that shaved stuff that comes from those big blocks of ice you sometimes see. But if the ice served is cubed, as you usually get these days, you can be rest-assured it’s as clean as its counterpart in Farangland. After reading their ‘bible’ (guidebook) average Mr Backpacker on waking in the morning with a bout of ‘guts explode’ exclaims “It must’ve been the ice I had last night”. What he hasn’t blamed instead are those three Maekhong whiskey and Red Bull buckets gulped down after scoffing on a fiery bowl of Tom Yum Kung. What the guy should obviously be blaming is himself and his own stomach, not the ‘dirty’ ice. Next up, how come so many Farang on getting an even worse case of the trotts proclaim to having had food poisoning? Most of the time it is nothing of the sort, just made up nonsense they thought up after having read another page of their guidebook of myths. Get food poisoning and it’s not simply a case of running to the lavatory every half hour, instead you could be serving time in a local hospital.

Thailand: Greatest Urban Myths (Part 1)

Thailand: Greatest Urban Myths (Part 2)

(The crime scene of almost every Farang murder in Pattaya – the infamous Pattaya hotel balcony)

As a Farang in Thailand we have all heard some of the most laughable quack-wack Thailand myths: ladyboys who have coaxed clients back to their rooms only to drug ‘em and cut out their kidney (and after sell it to a hospital), tuk-tuk drivers who are part of a dangerous mafia syndicate and dodgy cashiers who stuff items in your bag before calling in the police on charges of theft. As mentioned in part one, even some ‘journalists’ pick up on these pathetic myths, or even conspiracy theories, and sell them to some naff tabloid back home. And on the subject of conspiracy theories too this time around, a classic from last year was the David Carradine story (or former Mr Kung Fu himself). Instead of sticking to the forensic reports, sensationalist articles written claimed that Mr Kill Bill was in fact murdered, for example, by a couple of well-endowed ladyboys he had met in Patpong earlier that night. (Read this blog for more info on one of the hilarious articles published).

Then we have just the simple Thailand myths like: Thais stand up for the national anthem at the cinema, the word Farang is derogatory, gambling is a serious crime, Thais never criticize the monkhood,Thai women married to Farang can not own land and all the poor people love Thaksin Shinawatra.

Pattaya Flying Club ‘Suicides’

Probably the best told Thailand urban myth over the past few years is that all the Farangs who commit suicide in Pattaya by jumping from hotel balconies were in fact the victim of cold-blooded murder. With the cover-ups so intricately planned, it could go down as the best drunken barstool conspiracy theory since Elvis was abducted aliens and returned to Earth as a Phuket jet-ski operator. Even though 66 year-old Henrick weighs in at 220 pounds, his skinny-as-a-chopstick former teenage ‘wife’ standing at 5 foot 1 in high-heels is miraculously able to throw Henrick over a one-meter high Pattaya 15th floor hotel balcony. She then flees the scene on the back of her Thai lover’s motorbike. According to the best myth-tellers, everyone was involved: the cops knew it was murder but for the sake of tourism they put it down as suicide. The housekeepers, check-in staff and security guards, they all knew the ‘truth’ but got paid backhanders to keep quiet. It gets told (in that ever-popular “I used to drink with the guy” fashion) that even though Henrick drank 17 bottles of Thai hootch on a daily basis, enjoyed messing around on the side with local Lolitas while occasionally indulging in a ladyboy three-some, was actually a perfectly normal guy.

The Thai Language Has No Tenses – It’s So Easy

Another classic myth which has done more rounds than a rabid Thai dog with a piece of meat tied to its tale. Even though Joe from Ireland has a limited personal Thai vocabulary of just ‘Sawatdee khrap’, ‘Sway mak mak’ and ‘Check bin’, has in his 3 months in Thailand learned from a hundred other Thai language wanna-be speakers that the Thai language does not have a past tense, passive tense, future tense, present perfect tense – absolutely no tenses at all. It is the simplest language imaginable. Joe goes on to state that anything with a brain could master the language in 6 weeks. After a year, however, when Joe finally admits that he still can’t put even a basic sentence together in the Thai language spouts out “Arrh… I’m just too lazy to learn”.

All Thai Women Wanna Have a Farang Boyfriend

Do they heck! Definitely another one of those rumours spread by expat barstool types who has never struck up any conversation with any proper Thai girl. Instead, all he has ever heard from ‘his’ Thai girl friends is that since every Thai man beats his lover, elopes with every female family member under the age of 16 and constantly drinks himself stupid before breakfast before finally running off with another damsel, is the reason that every Thai women would like a ‘responsible’ Farang boyfriend. Sucker Farang is oblivious that this is coming from a woman who has had four kids by Thai men and is dating a dancer who works in a men-only bar up the road. The reality is, there are a lot of proper Thai women out there who would be interested in having a Farang boyfriend, but to put them all in the same boat is ludicrous.
(Steve notes: There is another fairytale myth around that goes “Thai-Chinese women from well-to-do families wouldn’t be seen dead marrying a Farang”)

The Ice is Bad for You & “I Had Food Poisoning”

Let’s start with that guidebook to Thailand favourite myth of dirty ice and it’s bad for you. Ok ok… there could be a little possibility of this if it’s that shaved stuff that comes from those big blocks of ice you sometimes see. But if the ice served is cubed, as you usually get these days, you can be rest-assured it’s as clean as its counterpart in Farangland. After reading their ‘bible’ (guidebook) average Mr Backpacker on waking in the morning with a bout of ‘guts explode’ exclaims “It must’ve been the ice I had last night”. What he hasn’t blamed instead are those three Maekhong whiskey and Red Bull buckets gulped down after scoffing on a fiery bowl of Tom Yum Kung. What the guy should obviously be blaming is himself and his own stomach, not the ‘dirty’ ice. Next up, how come so many Farang on getting an even worse case of the trotts proclaim to having had food poisoning? Most of the time it is nothing of the sort, just made up nonsense they thought up after having read another page of their guidebook of myths. Get food poisoning and it’s not simply a case of running to the lavatory every half hour, instead you could be serving time in a local hospital.