How Much Dowry Should I Pay?

One of the most frequently asked questions by some foreigner who wants to get married to a Thai women is this one “Excuse me, but how much dowry (sinsot) should I pay?” Almost as if there was a set price like you were gonna purchase some car. On the other hand though, I guess the answer is something along those lines in that you can pay from virtually zilch to tens of millions. And just like buying yerself a new automobile you can find a right bargain, a middle of the range type or if you are unlucky like… be completely ripped-off.

I don’t wanna get into too much history on the subject but it’s pretty important to have a look back at the origins of the matter…. even though they aren’t exactly too clear. What is clear however, is traditionally speaking, the dowry to get married to an ethnic Thai girl was to prove how much the geezer had to help start up the family. It was only a sign of cash-worthy evidence, which would be either handed straight back after the wedding or on the birth of the couple’s first child. Traditionally speaking therefore, paying a fancy free dowry to yer mum-in-law has no place in Thai history – only the modern one.

Paying an actual free dowry of some kind to yer bride’s parents for the privilege of getting married in Thailand is more-or-less a Chinese imported idea which has melted itself into the everyday psyche of the Thai-Thais.

Let us look at the Thai verb ‘to marry’ which is ‘taeng-ngarn’ which literally means to make a party between two sides. Historically speaking, when the couple tied the knot, it was also a binding between two families and it is that kind of Sakdhina era type thinking which is still very prevalent in Thailand today. Thais and the Thai-Chinese have traditionally only married into their own class of society, so there was no real need for the man to prove his financial clout to his future parents-in-law. Basically speaking, a man of money or class would historically never marry a woman of a lower-class than himself. In fact, it was often the man who would marry into a family with a load more cash than his. Foreign men started marrying Thai women donkey’s decades if not at least a century ago, but in those days they only married into hi-so, noble families – a much different saga to most of the inter-cultural marriages you see today.

That said, there is no historical tradition about a rich man (Thai or foreign) paying over a slapping freebie big dowry for a girl of a lower class (Contrary to myth, foreigners are held historically quite high in the class-listings). Paying a free dowry with nothing in return is a new tradition which affects a multitude of ‘foreigners’. So, if your darling turns around and claims to you that you have to pay a huge sum for the dowry (no fancy house, land, car etc… in return) as it is part of ‘Thai Culture’, then she may be taking you for one big ride.

Really, there is no such thing as a free dowry in Thailand, either Thai-Thai or Thai-Chinese as traditionally speaking (and until this day) ‘to make a party’ both sides share a lot of their assets out and the fellow sees a return on his investment (if any) one way or the other.

When you plan on getting married in Thailand (to make a party) you have to be very honest with your darling about both pre and post-marriage financial matters and responsibilities etc…. Or sadly, you may turn into one of those millions of foreigners who after a year or so, can be witnessed writing blogs and on forums pleading along the likes of “I was ripped-off, she and her family suckered all my money out of me!” Probably, the suckers weren’t ripped-off at all – they just hadn’t been bothered to agree on matters beforehand.

So after all that, you may be wondering when I am finally gonna answer the question to this blog. Well, more than likely, even though it’s quite culturally incorrect, your are probably gonna have to cough up something. But firstly, if your fiancée has ever been married before and so not a virgin, then there is theoretically no reason to pay any kind of dowry whatsoever and especially if she has kids from a previous relationship as well. Anything which you do give would be called more like ‘Katanya’ (gratefulness) to her parents than a dowry.

So, if your darling has never been married before but she is poor, say from the countryside, then you can expect to pay something but not a lot (as her side of the family isn’t bringing anything into the relationship). Foreigners often fork over hundreds of thousands of baht, you can call it a scam or part of the two-teiring price system as a local Thai guy may only pay the likes of 20-50,000. Unfortunate but true, some girls and their parents are cunning and one of the most implemented strategies to sucker as bigga dowry possible out of their so-called loved-ones is by informing him that her sister’s husband paid a dowry of say 300,000. If your darling really loves you for what you are, then she can talk to her parents explaining that you are not just a sucker money-tree.

Contrary to myth, marrying into a family with a bit of social status is very often cheaper that marrying a rural girl because much of the dowry is simply given back. In this regard the dowry is known as ‘show money’, adhering to tradition it is just evidence that the guy has enough money to start the family. So, if you hear Thai guys saying that their dowry was for example 200,000 baht then you can presume that he may have got half or most of that back after the ceremony. If Thais do kindly hand over hundred of thousands or even millions for the privilege of marrying into a wealthy family then you can be rest assured that he got in return a fancy house, loadsa land or plenty of shares etc…

I’m not kidding but I have read complaints from foreigners that they paid a free dowry of some kind before the marriage as part of a so-called deposit – only for their little darling to do a runner with some Thai lover shortly after. What complete baloney honestly, there is no need to fork over any kind of money prior to the marriage – if your darling tells you it’s part of her family tradition or something then she is one mean scammer. And I hate to say it, but being brutally honest, a lot of foreigners do fall for this type.

So, that’s the cash dowry thing out of the way, so let’s next go into the ‘gold’. Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about that as your future wife gets to keep that. Again, it’s just part of future investment as after marriage what’s hers is yours and what yours is hers. Some folk, when they get married, just borrow gold from family members as a symbol of ‘show’ which is hastily returned after. Again, if your loved-one expects you too buy her a stackful of gold which she is gonna give her mum, then perhaps it is wise to pack your bags and flee the scene.

As for the marriage ceremony and party then you may have the choice to who pays, you, both of you or her parents. If you are the one that forks out for the events then you are more than entitled to receive all the gifts in the form of cash from all the guests. It is known that some guys (or the couple) actually make a profit on the wedding day especially if most of the guests are pretty well-off. Most foreigners marry into poorer rural families, so they can’t expect to get much in return from the cash-receipts. But anyway, most poorer families are usually more than willing to pay for the events if the guy is paying a handsome free dowry, but in vice-versa to the above they will collect all the donations.

Whatever you do, don’t get scammed like a lotta foreigners into believing that unless you pay a big free dowry her family will dislike you as you made them lose face. This is more often than not just another sucker ploy tried out to squeeze as much cash out of you as heavenly possible. If her parents love you for what you are, then they will accept what you can/can’t or wish to give. Don’t forget if they can hawk plenty of money out of you on the wedding day then you can be assured that they will be wanting plenty more thereafter.

Finally, marriage in Thailand need not be a financial headache at all if you sit down with your loved-one, explain that you know the score and work out a plausible fair agreement beforehand. I hope this blog didn’t sound hard!

Visit Steve’s main page at Steve’s Weblog

36 responses to “How Much Dowry Should I Pay?

  1. Hi Steve. Great to read blogs like this. If you’d written it six months ago it would have answered a lot of my questions. As it was I just bumbled along.
    I don’t know why I suspected Kai was not a virgin. Maybe it was her beautiful daughter, NongPraw.
    Neither Kai nor her parents mentioned a dowry but I gave her father one anyway. This also helped as I now knew he could sort out the marquees, band, food and drink without skinting himself.
    I din’t know about the custom of giving gold, so I didn’t, but no one ever mentioned it.
    I was glad that he wanted none of this counting out the money in public. I just gave it in an envelope, like you would to a council planning officer in the uk if you want to extend your house (cynical).
    I agree that the most important thing is to sort out everything in advance with your intended. A lot of farang are like I was and think these customs are all centuries old and set in stone.
    All the best, Mick

  2. I reckon this blog should also be posted over on the Forum under “Thai Relationships” and made “Sticky” as it answers most if not all of the questions asked about the often asked about subject of “sinsot”
    Well done, Steve, you may have just saved a lot of western guys from being scammed!

  3. Great read. :)

  4. A friend of mine who is nearing retirement age is engaged to a young 20 something girl from the north-east of Thailand. I think he will have to pay half a million dowry and that’s not all, before her family agreed that they could get married, my friend had to rebuild the family house and assist in the payment of debts. I’ve tried to talk to him but he just won’t listen, I pity him for his ignorance. Like you said, thousands of farang fall for scammers every year, but then again it’s good for the Thai economy.

  5. Steve,
    Your opinions are on the mark. We discussed all details about the ceremony and future life in advance of the wedding. My finace arranged the very reasonable sinsot/Katanya which that financed the ceremony and reception. We had a wonderful Thai ceremony and we continue to have a wonderful loving marriage. Good things DO happen.
    Best Wishes,

  6. Thank god my folks are not horribly traditional. And yes, we are of the upper-middle class. Because Brandon is an American, and they know his parents aren’t the one paying up the dowry like Thai parents would, dowry wasn’t even in the picture for us.

    Besides, Brandon wouldn’t pay for the dowry even if he had money and even when he knew my folks would’ve given that right back to us (again, Steve’s explanation of “show money”). He feels it was like buying a wife and he will never do that.

    So, I came up with a budget for the wedding and the parents went 50/50 on it. What’s left of that we kept.

    Yeah…Steve, I may have to follow this up with my non-traditional wedding as an alternative for the White-Rice couples out there too. Thanks for bringing this up!

  7. Well if you were driving around in a new Ferrari, that was registered in your name, would you really need any more evidence that you are financially viable, Giving a dowry under that circumstance would be an insult as you have already shown proof.

  8. Thanks for all the comments, perhaps i should stick to writing along these lines in a few new blogs. Something different. I’m glad the folk on the Forums also found it….well interesting.

    Only one expat European guy who lives in Bangkok,linked this blog and explained to fellow members what complete utter nonsense this blog is. Can only imgaine that he had been scammed into paying millions before and failed to admit it that he was a sucker
    After writing this blog i read on another forum just the same question. One farang was asking whether 200,000 for his countryside dowry (excluding a wad of gold) was a good price. Some hawked that he shouldn’t pay anything (bit over the top) while the other half explained along the lines of “Only 200,000 and 10 baht of gold, well compare that to how much it costs to get married England – that too is pretty awful advice, but it is mentality like that makes it bad for others. Really i think some foreigners get a kick out of showering their darlings and family with money, maybe just a big ego trip.

    On the other hand though, perhaps some foreigners just deserved to be scammed!

  9. thanks i have meet a really nice girl, and her family i would say are middle class, not rich and not poor, we are talking about getting married, and was worried about being sucked dry, now i have read your blog, i feel i can talk to her family, and work thing out before diving in, thanks i will talk to her.

  10. Well, very interesting topic.
    I saw my g/f one day totting up all her and and what I believe to be her families debts including the new car she had bought after meeting me.
    The cost? 1,500,000 Baht to marry her.
    That amount to marry a divorced woman with 2 kids??
    Needless to say she is now history and I am looking for something more honest and straight.
    Good Blog. If it helps just one person in the future then it was well worth writing.
    I have made a copy of it and kept it in my file as a reminder in case I am tempted to fall by the wayside in the future LOL

  11. Many Thais( and other Asians)still think White guys are rich ( even though many of them are homeless and bankrupt coming to thailnd to start over/turn a new leaf). Dowry is good if it’s giving the new couple the fund to start their new family together. However, often it’s been used to compete with others in the community or social circle–like ‘Pride and Predjudice’except no one is usually really Collin Firth. Steve’s comment truly give some sort of directions to many farangs here. the bottomline is still between the couple though, so keep the communication open, it’s just another practical matter of love and living together. remember though, none of the parents want their daughters to marry a Robinson Crusoe.

  12. Well, I am thai I have a British
    husband and two kids now. My family is
    very poor, but we did not ask for any
    money from him because I knew he was poor
    now even poorer with 2 kids lol.
    Lots of girl from north or e-san I think most of them do it just for money and some of them do it with love and accidentally her guy got lots of money lol. If the girl came from poor family I think they do it only for money if she asked you for big about of money.( should not pay but if you love her soooo much its up to you :C). And if the girl came from middle class, some middle class are greedy as well but some have very big ego want to show lots of money in wedding day and they will give it back to the couple. I did not have a wedding party my wedding day was 2 weeks before I gave a birth to my girl and we spent money that his parents gave for wedding ring on a washing machine hey hey 😀

  13. i would like to say thai tredition about sinsot is it good .Some farang think if he must to pay sinsot that mean he buy wife.
    that mean that man don’t love thai women from his heart he just want everything easy and free . i wish and hope who still think SHE is thai women !! you have to fallow thai tredition about sinsot . we r thai !!

  14. Met a wonderul Thai girl 9 months ago. She visited me for 1 week in USA. I completely trust her. She is 34, no kids. Fairly beautiful. An initial offering of dowry was 12,000USD….is this way off, or negotiable? Her family seems middle class. Her mother is not a picture of health, and my thai girl wants her to keep the dowry. Red flags, I know…again I believe she is a very honest woman. What you say?

  15. Yes I think so in the same way you explain but onething you should know about the social now almost the well educated girl of this reason In Thailand is the big thing especialy She have a very good job the people will not interested about her married or not they will look at her job and the dawry will high follow her education and job so please understand for this reason too becausei am one of this case may be since your colums my future husband think too much about the dawry ..i swear this is the real reason ..not the lier or i need much money from him …we can give him back some and we will use the dawry together sometimes from our parent it is only Guarantee that you love her really and will take care for her really ..Yes Thai man will very pround to give his wife the best dawry for her..and how about you ?>?

  16. Thanks for the comment Yen. I think if you read closely, you will see that I wrote ‘marrying into a family with a bit of social status’. Then i mentioned 200,000baht, yes that bit about social status was meant to meant to include ‘decent job and ‘education’. Pls don’t misunderstand one of the aims of the articles, which is to educate foreigners that often enough, a lot of the dowry is only for ‘show’ or/and the couple will recieve assets in one form or another in the near or distance future. This is good for foreigners to know, as the general idea floating around the Farang community is that marrying a girl from example; a middle-class urban family, is a huge financial burden. In reality though, it is often not.

  17. Silapine Mow Laew

    Good one Stevey!

    I am now engaged to be married, believe it or not.

    When we finally do tie the knot, you are hereby invited!!

    Cheers from Holland.

  18. Thank’s very much
    A great help and advice

  19. I meet one girl from thailand, she’s chinese and we know each other for couple of month and i want to visite her soon but she told me about dowry a big one about 1000000 baht and after i read this article i dont know if i should pay or not.


  21. PGS - Sydney

    My wife’s family is from a small village near Chaiyaphum. Our wedding was almost 5 years back – I tease her by saying ‘if I killed someone, I’d be out of goal now..’. Really, it’s not that bad. She and her family are very doting on me, even mumThai – whom is so happy when I come to visit & cries when I have to go back to Oz.
    She doesn’t get a large amount of $ to play with here, but is well catered for. It took a bit of training to understand that 100.00 on a price tag here is about 3100THB. She is learning bugeting – that’s time consuming. It is made more difficult as it seems Thai are unable to plan any further ahead than yesterday.
    Our wedding in the village was a lavish affair – it cost about AUD700 all up. Sinsot was returned as soon as the doors were closed.

    The biggest problem around there now is the few other farang that are happy to over-pay & and increase prices with excessive tipping. Might be OK in BKK, but not helpful in the village.

  22. Hi Stephen (and everyone else!),

    fantastic piece of writing (as always) and of course the information/content within.

    Very insightful.

    Here’s something for you (all) to chew on.

    My Thai fiancee mentioned the other night (in passing) about the dowry. I thought to myself “no worries darl, hit me with your best shot!”.

    I just happened to be sipping my coffee when she said (in these words) “how does 1 million baht sound?”

    Well, some people reading this might be thinking “geez mate, did you let her have it?” in reply to that– NO, I first choked on my hot coffee (after inhaling too quickly), then proceeded to laugh my ass off, as she is quite the comedian sometimes.

    She wasn’t joking.

    To cut a long story short we came to a figure (well below the 1mill THB, but could have been lower now that I read 200,000!!).

    I then explained where the money is to go.. eg financial breakdown. Some money for parents to keep and the remainder for our specific purpose when the time came, ranging from making extensions to her home, buying a business, land etc.

    I guess bottom line readers; is that no matter what ‘price’ that is mentioned, just sit down with your ‘darling’ and discuss/explain options (after finishing a hot beverage!)

    I’m sure if you are reasonable about the proposed amount (hers and yours), she will appreciate it and love you as much or if not more than before the discussion took place.

    Put all cards on the table and see what happens.

    All the best.


  23. I am thai and i have boyfriend he from uk we will marry soon in next year my parent dont ask to much money 222.222 bath and for gold 12 bath we marry same thai guy marry thai girl and my boyfriend he dont rich if he will rich my parent still just want same before my parent want he really love me and can be happy i never marry before he have 2 kids but its ok for me because i love him so much some thai people want much money but my family just want me happy
    and i thing love important then money how you can live with some one if you dont really love or you just happy if he have much money???? but for me i want love and i can help he work too love can do anything

  24. Yeah, love can triumph over all. Love and 222,222 baht.

  25. Hi Steve, A very good read. I met my Thai girlfriend last December 2007. We plan to marry Feb 2008. She asks 100,000 bht to cover pary and for family. Please comment. Regards

  26. i am thai and i marry wiht man from usa i meet him from dating site. yes my fimaly not ask him for eny money we are marry now for 2 year. my mam just say happy when he can take care me good and yes when i stay in usa i not yes get job he give me some money to shoping. but every thai woman not same every man not same every one not rich same. just see what good for you and still have good life togetther because afther marry if you move to your contry still need alot of money visa and ticket and marry more some time you dont know if love or money or what but i wish you have goodluck and have good love and take care

  27. Dennis (bigbubba)

    I was directed here after posting my thread at the forums site. If I had come here first I wouldn’t have had to ask, or more importantly, WORRY all this time! Now after reading this, and knowing my girl as I do, I’m not worried at all. Of course if this changes after my visit next month I’ll update!

  28. Guys keep on talking to your GF. Thai woman have very little idea of how western man earn there money. But for them dowry means to self valuate ( i think ) and the higher it is the better are there standing in Thai society. Talk long enough and you will get most of it back after the wedding. Have been through it all recently. Think about it : most western lovebirds spend very high sums. $ 20-40.000 are pretty common.
    In the beginning this dowry problem bugged me also. but i think Thai girls are worth it.

  29. Listen Guys, I think Steve pointed out very well the history of “Dowry.” If your to stupid to except it as fact, especially after researching the subject for yourself, then you deserve to be scammed.

    I met and fell in love with a beautiful, college educated Thai girl from the Northeast. Her mother was a drunk, and out for money. Her daughter was NOT a virgin!! and 30 yrs old. Now honestly, do you think a Thai man would pay a dowry for her??? 500,000 baht demand was enough to make me run like crazy, which I did and never looked back.

    There are very strict rules the chinese follow concerning dowry. (child = no dowry), (lost of virginity = no dowry), (perviously married = no dowry). You as a foreignor gets nothing in the way of property, land or otherwise on your return investment. Believe me, there are a lot of thai girls that know and will tell you about the “thai adopted” foreignor dowry.

    Don’t let the honey spot overtake your God-given common sense.

  30. Good article.

    Right now me and my thai girlfriend are having problems about this dowry thing. We sat down with her father (chinese/thai) and he proceeded to tell me I had to pay 1.500.000 baht ($50,000 US dollars) to marry his daughter. She is middle class, College grad, NOT a VIRGIN. I didnt know the ratio from USA dollar to Baht yet so I said I would try. Well that didnt work out so well. I’m broke now more than ever. I am single man with a 5year old son so my bills run deep. $50,000 is just way too much to afford, $5000 is basically realistically what I could pay. We’ve fought for the last year about this and it seems like it will never end until I take out a loan then pay the next 30years back to the bank. And what you’ve said in your article I have heard since day 1. Sister’s husband paid 3,000,000 baht. Family will be looked down on if I not pay. Ive asked her to talk to her father about lowering the price but she said the price isnt negotiable and will disrespect her family if i ask to lower the price. So I have no clue what Im going to do. We have almost got her Fiance visa past, Just waiting on paperwork from Bkk embassy for interview. But Im stuck in the middle. Do I pay and be a bad father for my son and never have money for him, or say fuck it and find a new girl. I do love her and I think she does also but I have caught her on some lies and other websites (wiredclub looking for a date) so my mind is wondering. Basically I do have my mind made up. If they wont accept 50,000 baht then sorry but i will not do. OLD TRADITIONS DIE!!!!! This is 2009 its not ancient times anymore. Paying money to Marry instead of for Love is bullshit. Also if I do THAI tradition fine, Her family will do USA culture and pay $50,000 US dollars for our American wedding which the Father of the Bride pays for in USA culture. (She told me already they will not do) So basically I guess this is it.

  31. Brett –

    Jeez, I hope I’m not too late. Think, man. She’s looking on dating sites because she’s looking for another sucker in case you wise up. If you give this greedy Chinese-Thai family $50,000, you will gain nothing. They will want money from you forever, and the minute you don’t pay, the girl will be gone, along with all of the money you’ll have given them up to that time, as well as any she can lay her hands on before she goes.

    I’m married to a Thai woman (older; dead parents, no dowry). They are selfish, greedy, shallow, racists (see above comment, “we r thai”), who are incapable of romantic love in the western sense – they are far too practical for that; as well, their culture emphasizes control of passions, and modern Thai culture is based on materialism. Know this, work around it, and you’ll be fine. Anyone who tells you different is a liar, a fool, or both.

  32. Hoping I have done the right thing-but feel bloody horrible!
    After reading these blogs and various articles on
    ‘Sin Sod’ I feel more enlightened, but sick in the stomach!
    I have been seeing a thai girl for almost a year, online and whilst living in Thai. She is 34, been married before, has a kid, little education and comes from a farm in rural Thailand. She is a wonderful, beautiful person and i do love her.
    We have been discussing getting married recently and I brought up the question of ‘sin sod’. She says that her parents want 1 million baht for her!!!!!!!!
    After reading what i have read, I was blown away by their ‘request.’ I have told her what I have read and that most families appear to waive a ‘sin sod,’ when the daughter has been married before and has a baby. I didn’t mention her lack of education and her families lower economic status. That i feel would be too cruel.
    Her response was that I do not still understand Thai culture and that another divorcee in her village was recently married and her husband, apparently paid a ‘sin sod’
    She know nows that I am not willing to pay this extortionate ‘price’ tag. I would be willing to pay, 100,000 baht as a ‘sinsod’ or as gift (katanya) to the parents.This may if the parents are not willing to backdown, break us up. What a pity this has had to come to this!!!
    I don’t think I am being conned!!!!
    I would appreciate any comments.

  33. My name is Jason I am 25 yrs old and I am in the U.S. army and I went to Thailand and met this Beautiful Thai woman which was working her first night at a bar and I fell in love with her. She claims to be a virgin and I have sent her over $4,000.00 so she could buy a computer to communicate with me and a ring to symbolize that I was interested in her. Next month I am going to Thailand to ask the parents if I can marry her and bring her to the USA with me. Last night she brought up the Thai tradition term the “Dowry” that I must pay her family $200,000 baht like her sister’s Thai husband. I am confused now because I don’t know if she loves me or she just wants money. She is 24 yrs old educated, with out children, and was a virgin before i met her working her first night at a bar to help the family.
    I meet the parents next month and i don’t know what they will request. Im starting to think I should get a prenuptial agreement now to protect my assetts so if she tries to take everything that i have away from me. I think I will get her a visitor visa first and see how she acts for 1 year to see if I am really compatible with this woman. For the dowry I am an American I will send her parents what I can based on the situation. If I see they are really old and sick I will help them as much as I can, but I have to help myself first and I don’t think her parents would want her to work at bar. If she is happy working at bar and doesn’t understand that I love her and want to take care of her and will help her family as much as I can ,then she doesn’t love me. I will start my search for my soulmate again. Paying a dowry is very downgrading and offensive to me and my family making me look very desperate for a wife.

  34. Unless the family is ‘dirt poor’, don’t pay a dowry, agree to a small income for the parents of no more than 3000pm. (trust me, it’s enough)

    50,000 baht will pay for great food and music for a wedding celebration.

    Don’t build a house, buy a condo in your name, 100km from her family.

    Agree to buy her some land on your first wedding anniversary, in her home village for no more than 100,000 BAHT ( in the provinces this will buy many rai and if they’re not lazy they’ll farm it.

    Now the honest truth….
    You’ll almost never find a good wife if she come from a bar.
    They always say it’s their first night.
    They almost always are not vigins and haven’t been since the age of 15.
    They will expect you to adapt to thai culture but not the reverse.

    More important…there’s no welfare state in Thailand and retirement pensions are rare unless you’re an ex government worker. Hence the interest in a dowry.

    Typically 200 baht per day will buy food for 3 people.Rice extra. A majority of provincial folk earn 100 – 200 baht each day.

    FACT. Age,children,education,responsible employment are no guarantee of a good woman. However, they give you a better chance.

    Discovering a truly honest caring woman is more likely if she works in a school/university/hospital and has some responsibility. Education and the ability to manage a household budget help too. But many girls working a bar, club,massage, or seedy hotel are likely to have ‘bombed out’ of high school and be looking for a farang to ‘save’ her from her ‘bad thai husband’ who beats her & doesn’t work or pay for the kids etc.

    Over 10 yrs I’ve learn’t the reality and know what I’m talking about. I have a thai wife, step daughter, son…who looks 100% farang and had a house too.

    I accepted the culture and behaved myself but my wife couldn’t appeciate her good luck and brought immense debt on herself because what she had was never enough. I finally moved out and after living wild for some months re-discovered an old friend who’d always been just that, and in time may be much more.

    My ex-wife is unhappy & confused because she doesn’t understand how things got to be like this. She worries for her future now…something Thias often fail to consider…preferring to ‘live for the moment’ and sabai sabai.

    So be warned, be prepared and be realistic.
    Romantic love is a recent arrival to Thailand. Westerners expecting thai girls / women to relate similaly are easy prey to the doey eyed bar girl stories and soon become fatal statistics
    in an age old story.

  35. I have been reading some of the comments after reading your blog steve and i seem to be in a similar situation. I have met a very beautiful Thai girl on a thai dating website and we are talking of getting married. I have a six year old daughter and she has a six year old son. she doesn’t have her own computer so we make contact online with a webcam on her friends computer and she seems more interested in my little girl than me , she says she loves me but i’m not too sure, her friend mentioned a dowry, when I asked her how much she told me 50,000 thb which i thought was a bit much to be honest. She has been married before and, as i say she has a 6 year old kid. my daughter and I are going out to visit in April for 2 weeks and they are putting us up which sounds great but i am getting a little anxious of what might become of this visit. Don’t get me wrong i probably maybe thinking too much that they (her family) may only want my money, i have explained that i am not rich and that i want this to work as i have a lot of love to give and she does say that love is more important than money, still i am a little curious for all i know she and her family could be genuine, any suggestions?

  36. parc rosewood

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