Old Patong: Crazy Dave’s Secret Chili

Setting around Thai Garden one morning, Fat Bob rolled in, the big man sat at the table on the left of Crazy Daves “throne”.

The giant was already hungry and we listened as Crazy Dave told us about his “secret” chili receipe.

As the tale went on and on [Dave rarely got to the point on any conversation], the look on Fat Bobs face was that of a starved person just wanting another bite.

After a while, we all wanted to taste some of that chili and that we should have a big chili cookoff, not a contest mind you, just a super large caldron of chili.

David hopped on his 007 Honda and roared off to Phuket Town to buy the necessary ingredients.

The rest of us went next door, infront of my bungalow,where we got the biggest kettle we could find, maybe 20gallon size and started a palm frond fire right there in the yard.

Our pal Sam happened by and said she’d make the “Mehkong Punch”, a mysterious mixture of a case of Mehkong, the juice from 4 coconuts, 4 cases of Green Spot, 4 large watermelons, 10 limes[meenow]and a full big bottle of Thai sweet red chili sauce[the kind you put on chicken]all properly mixed/strained and poured into empty Mehkong bottles, stored in Mr Bruces large beer cooler at his Paradise Bar in front of the bungalows as we we drank and waited for the supplies to return from Phuket Town.

This “punch” was sorta sweet/hot, like a sweet Thai version of Bloody Mary.

Well, the supplies returned a few hrs later, a few hrs after that Crazy Dave wandered over and stupervised the hows & whats of his secret Mexican chili mix.

5 kilos of ground water buffalo
5 kilos of red beans
2 kilos of white beans
2 kilos of sweet yellow onions
1 kilo of Thai “bird”chilis
2 kilos of red chili
1 kilo of green curry
plus a kilo of Crazy Daves Secret ingredients[which he made up in the back room at Thai Garden before bringing it over to our yard to fix everything up]

All the ingredients were added at exactly the right time and amount per Crazy Daves intricate brow beaten instructions, the mess got up to a hot boil and we added appropriate amounts of Mehkong as needed.

After a few hrs, a small crowd had gathered infront of my bungalow, the entire Thai Garden crowd and the Paradise Bar crowd also.

Guitar Noi was jamming and had us all singing oldies but goodies or Thai folk songs and by late afternoon,the crowd was having a pretty good time.

Many of the locals stopped by to join the party and anyone we’d see walking past, we’d invite.

Sam had brought over a few “regulars” from her cozy Half Way Cafe and we sat on the grass and drank cases of Singhas.


We watched Crazy Dave and Fat Bob fret over the chili concoction for several hours.

David finally decided, much to Fat Bobs hunger, announced the beloved mixture was ready!

Fat Bob rushed to the head of the line, bowl in hand, scooped it full and ran off to a lean back chair on our front porch and quickly devoured the chili before anyone else even had a bite!

We all watched the big man slurp down the hot chili fresh off the fire, was it worth eaten Bob? Bob grinned and got at the back of the line for 2nds!

All in all a great afternoon was had in Old Patong, where everyday was a holiday and every meal a banquet!

The cases of Sams “Green Spot punch” went down well and helped ease the extreme heat of the chili, even the locals drank copiously.

There was plenty to go around, everyone got 2nds and 3rds.

We partied til the sun came up, the chili was bout gone, but the Green Spot punch was around in Mr Bruces beer cooler for the rest of the week!

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