The 10 Commandments of Thai Love

The wonderfully caring Ministry of Culture has just launched ’10 Commandments of Love’ in an attempt to prevent teenagers getting too carried away on Valentine’s Day and getting up to hanky-panky in short-time hotels.

As mentioned in my last blog, according to the golden-oldies in charge there, all proper Thai girls are virgins before the day of their marriage. And any girl who dares get herself involved with any disgusting behaviour beforehand is labeled ‘Un-Thai’ and declared a threat to both national security and Thai Culture. Unfortunately however, the ministry’s granny and grandad officials have failed to read any surveys which have uncovered that the average age for the first bout of pre-marital practice in Bangkok is a tender 16 and a half.

Here below is the lovely list!

In brackets, however, is what the average male Bangkokian teenager is gonna think!

1. Love with patience, so as not to become a premature parent.

(“Geez, the last thing I wanna do is get her pregnant, as for the patience bit, I always try to make it last 10 minutes”)

2. Truly love only one person.

(“One! They must be completely of their trosh! We having a saying in Thailand which goes ‘One is never enough”)

3. Love with mercy, trying not to hurt the one you love.

(“Too right, I have compassion, I never tell a lover about my other girlfriends!”)

4. Carefully love to avoid taking risks that might lead to contracting sexual diseases.

(“Good one. I always make love carefully, slowly does it and the condom won’t break”)

5. Love with honour, waiting until the proper time to have sex.

(“Yeah…I certainly pay honour to my parents wishes and sticking to the proper time. I wait for my parents to go to bed before going for a quickie in dad’s shed”)

6. Love in accordance with custom.

(Not sure about the customs bit, but I definitely prefer my dolls dressed up in a few different ‘costumes’)

7. Love reasonably, not taking sexual advantage of your lover.

(“I’m always darned reasonable. One on one is enough, I’ve never asked for her younger sister to join in the action too – though I wouldn’t mind”)

8. Love permanently, without defaming the one you love.

(“Permanently! I got me eyes permanently fixed on those lusty technical college girls down the road”)

9. Love honestly, believing in your partner.

(“I always tell me darlings to believe that I love them, otherwise they play ‘hard to get’”)

10. Love with understanding, forgiveness and without anger.

(“I’m understanding and try not to get angry, but if she’s 10 minutes late to our date, I give her a kick up the bum”)

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14 responses to “The 10 Commandments of Thai Love

  1. After 10. there is
    11. though shall not sponge of ones boyfriend’s.

  2. “a kick up the bum” OUCH!

  3. Happy Valentines Day dude!

  4. 6. Love in accordance with custom.

    (Not sure about the customs bit, but I definitely prefer my dolls dressed up in a few different ‘costumes’)

    LOL, the above is my favorite among all your interpretations, Steve.

  5. LOL! Nice. But you just gave me an idea for a blog entry…

  6. Whoops…sorry. Didn’t get to finish my thought.

    Here’s how a Thai Girl might reply:

    1. Love with patience, so as not to become a premature parent.

    (Oh goddammit. So much for weighing the prefect 45 kilos!)

    2. Truly love only one person.

    (Definitely. Completely. I’m a Thai girl. That’s what I’m trained to do. Because outside of that, I’d be deemed a slut.)

    3. Love with mercy, trying not to hurt the one you love.

    (Only playfully hit him on the arm, then daintily giggle and turning away. No ass kicking. It’s not very lady-like)

    4. Carefully love to avoid taking risks that might lead to contracting sexual diseases.

    (I’m not supposed to know about THAT. I’m all innocent as a rose, you know. Saving myself for marriage and all.)

    5. Love with honour, waiting until the proper time to have sex.

    (Or else, once again, I’ll be called a slut and lost all of my market value and chance to marry a proper boy.)

    6. Love in accordance with custom.

    (Is there a tariff with that custom?)

    7. Love reasonably, not taking sexual advantage of your lover.

    (But I can totally take financial advantage of him by making him buy me expensive gifts, taking me out to expensive dinner, and all he’s ever going to get is maybe a peck on the cheek on a good day…until he marries me which brings me more money…)

    8. Love permanently, without defaming the one you love.

    (The only thing permanent about love is the unfaithfulness your boyfriend/husband will develop down the road.)

    9. Love honestly, believing in your partner.

    (Believing that you went out with the “boys” last night? Uh-huh. I believe you. Sure. Whatever.)

    10. Love with understanding, forgiveness and without anger.

    (Oh I’ll forgive you. That’s not anger. It’s RAGE and HATRED.)

  7. Steve, I enjoyed your story about the 10 Commandments a lot, I laughed all the way through. I’ve been in Bangkok for a year now and I can see every day how thai teenagers walk around hand in hands. There must be more to it than innocent puppy love. I found the average age of 16 for having sex for the first time not very surprising, just the same as in Europe. I will be coming to your site more often I love it.
    Liz

  8. yeah the average age being 16 is not unusual at all, i think almost every country in the world has the same numbers, but anyways LOVE the commandments, laughted my head off, great idea. Happy Belated valentine’s day…

  9. somsak raimanee

    on

  10. Can I still add my comments on this post?

  11. It seems to to me that the western culture is coming of age in thailand which is a shame.
    Why not ask the grandparents the same Question and I bet you would get a completly different story.
    The farangs should be accountable for their influence on such a beautiful culture.
    Grant

  12. very cute and lovely together ^^
    i wish my boyfriend and i could be like yours ^_^
    happy, hug each other… never leave each other ^_^

  13. very cute cuple ^_^

    i love you guys…

    so cute together ^_^

  14. Very good idea. Would like to see one about the Americans who wed these poor girls from Isaan then expect them to adapt to western culture and when they fail,realise that cross culturism is not as easy as they believe.