The 10 Commandments of Thai Love

The wonderfully caring Ministry of Culture has just launched ’10 Commandments of Love’ in an attempt to prevent teenagers getting too carried away on Valentine’s Day and getting up to hanky-panky in short-time hotels.

As mentioned in my last blog, according to the golden-oldies in charge there, all proper Thai girls are virgins before the day of their marriage. And any girl who dares get herself involved with any disgusting behaviour beforehand is labeled ‘Un-Thai’ and declared a threat to both national security and Thai Culture. Unfortunately however, the ministry’s granny and grandad officials have failed to read any surveys which have uncovered that the average age for the first bout of pre-marital practice in Bangkok is a tender 16 and a half.

Here below is the lovely list!

In brackets, however, is what the average male Bangkokian teenager is gonna think!

1. Love with patience, so as not to become a premature parent.

(“Geez, the last thing I wanna do is get her pregnant, as for the patience bit, I always try to make it last 10 minutes”)

2. Truly love only one person.

(“One! They must be completely of their trosh! We having a saying in Thailand which goes ‘One is never enough”)

3. Love with mercy, trying not to hurt the one you love.

(“Too right, I have compassion, I never tell a lover about my other girlfriends!”)

4. Carefully love to avoid taking risks that might lead to contracting sexual diseases.

(“Good one. I always make love carefully, slowly does it and the condom won’t break”)

5. Love with honour, waiting until the proper time to have sex.

(“Yeah…I certainly pay honour to my parents wishes and sticking to the proper time. I wait for my parents to go to bed before going for a quickie in dad’s shed”)

6. Love in accordance with custom.

(Not sure about the customs bit, but I definitely prefer my dolls dressed up in a few different ‘costumes’)

7. Love reasonably, not taking sexual advantage of your lover.

(“I’m always darned reasonable. One on one is enough, I’ve never asked for her younger sister to join in the action too – though I wouldn’t mind”)

8. Love permanently, without defaming the one you love.

(“Permanently! I got me eyes permanently fixed on those lusty technical college girls down the road”)

9. Love honestly, believing in your partner.

(“I always tell me darlings to believe that I love them, otherwise they play ‘hard to get’”)

10. Love with understanding, forgiveness and without anger.

(“I’m understanding and try not to get angry, but if she’s 10 minutes late to our date, I give her a kick up the bum”)

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