The Latest Craze – Farangs Meet Thai Wives ‘Online!
(Translated from the Thai language ‘Thai Rath’ newspaper 24 – 5 – 06)
We all know that the Internet is the biggest source of information, but for lonely people it is also a great place to meet boyfriends and girlfriends through chat-rooms and purposed websites. Most of these folks are sincere in what they say, but of course there are a few who are only out to deceive.
According to reports, there are more Thai women looking for love on the Net than there are men. In fact, tens of thousands of Thai women (average age 25-45) are signed up to a host of dating websites looking for the wonderful foreign man of their dreams!
There are now more than 20 websites dedicated especially to foreign men hunting for a Thai wife and vice versa. The owner of the website ‘ha-khu-rak-online’ informed us “Most of the foreigners looking for a ‘Bride-to-be’ were Americans and Europeans. Now, a lot of Farangs like Asian girls but as for Thai girls………they are Numero Uno!”
The website owner went on to say “Most of our Farang members prefer brown-skinned, sweet, healthy-looking, affectionate, pretty Thai girls who also have good mother-like qualities”
Richard Franz an American, had this to say “I like Thailand because of the culture, pleasant attitude and beautiful women. In the future, I really hope to marry a Thai woman!”
Mr Frank a 48 year-old Biologist from Texas, wrote “My only wish in life is to meet a cheerful happy Thai wife. I would love and take care of her to the best of my ability”
If you check out any of the 20+ dating websites you will find a host of pictures of tear-jerking Thai custom weddings between Thai girls and Farangs.
The websites advise Thai girl ‘Mia-Farang wanna-bes’ to send in their best pictures “Farangs prefer pics of girls with untied long hair and not too much make-up plastered on their faces”
One website went on to say “Anyway you look at it, if the Farang wants to find a Thai wife – he’s gonna have to spend money on membership. We also arrange big fancy parties in the Silom/Sukhumvit Road areas where members can attend and meet potential soul-mates”
“We find that many of the Thai women looking for Farang husbands are divorcees with a kid or two who have been dumped by their former Thai lover. Many Farangs are willing to take their new Thai wife, and her kids, to their home country and financially support her family”
“Not all the stories are happy ones. We find that many Thai girls, who on meeting their online potential husbands, are disappointed that the handsome man in the picture, is in fact – quite ugly. Or/and, he lied about his resume”
“Some of our female members admit to looking for a Farang husband who is generous and has lots of money. Many Thai women however, have given Thai women in general, a bad name around the world because of dating Farang men just to ‘get money out of them’”
Whoever wants to take the chance of looking for a lover online has to ask themselves this “How sure and ready am I to take the gamble on a pot-luck relationship?”
You just highlighted what’s perhaps the #2 Shame of Thailand, Steve: “Thai Women for Sale”.
We made Lifewonders exactly for the purpose to counter the sad but popular assumption about Thai-Farang relationships. It is possible to form healthy, sincere relationships between Thai women and Farang men, without having to put themselves up for an online barter, and then go with the highest bidder.
All these men want is just an imaginary entity called the “Thai woman”, with all the stereotypical qualities that comes with the image. Same goes for the women in question, who just want a stereotypical farang man with all the qualities they imagine in all of us.
The sad thing is, these men and women are willing to tie their lives to ANYONE in that group who has even a vague resemblance of those imaginary qualities.
Where is love that just happens? What happened to the appreciation of one special person in particular; loving that single person for what he/she really is? Cherry and I got together by love that just happened, and if we could, so can others.
This mass-produced relationship-factory is a disgrace to honest relationships in Thailand. Thai women bent on getting any Farang man for themselves, and Farang men bent on getting any Thai woman are just pathetic losers. :/
On the other end of the spectrometer (George W word), some could also say that is a stereotupe of ‘the typical farang male’ and the whole argument could sway the other direction?
In either case some points to ponder, or it could be the same old issue that seems to never go away? Really there is no denying that no matter what both the male and the female will have preconcieved notions of what the other is probably like. It is learning from experience, and what life is all about in my opinion.
Part of what makes our relationship so much fun is when we discover just how wrong and right we are on many of these facets. Nearly half of what we assumed about eachother has proven true. So is it really so evil to have an opinion or expectation of what could be coming? If nothing else these little expectations (right or wrong) have been fun for both of us the past 5 years.
Thanks for another great article Steve.
Much appreciated!
Well having met my Former Thai girlfriend on Yahoo Chat, I guess her expectation of me, was for financial gain, and that in the end turned me off having another Thai woman, unless they can prove, they are not looking for money.
Most attraction tools work much like advertisement anyway. No? Looks, the way we talk, behave, relate, commit, create expectations, promise etc…
Leading people to get into relationship and its only after that do the partners really get to know each other? And then it matters on their personal power if they can tide over to build a relationship or not?
Of course, the smoothest way would be for two people to meet who are real, evolved and speak what they mean and mean what they speak from the day one. But I am not sure if that is the norm typically?
Especially, in big cities where anonymity & individuality is much higher…?
Thanks for an interesting post Steve. And why I am not surprised that once again Siamjai has decided to chime in with his authoritative view on this subject. Even on a cursory glance every so often at these sites, I always notice his posting about this topic.
I say it is rather obnoxious to say that you, Siamjai, deem yourself the arbiter of what does and what does not constitute a “proper” relationship. What exactly do you base your opinion on? Are some of your closest friends married to divorced Thai women who they attracted through money? Is this how you know that the men are pigs and the women miserable gold-diggers?
I had the same opinion as you when I first arrived in Thailand but over time, and actually getting to know people, I found out that a) it’s none of my business (if I were secure enough in myself and my ability to form relationships it wouldn’t bother me) and b) what you may call “the great shame of Thailand #2″ is actually a real option for a woman who is divorced or has kids – Thai men, on the whole, don’t give these women a second look. That forces economic realities that you, a priveleged outsider with snobby opinions, would have no clue about.
I suggest that you enjoy your wonderful love relationship and let other Thai/farangs enjoy their relationships without the likes of you sitting high in judgement over them.
Cut him some slack, Chad. Don’t you know that every Farang thinks “their one is different”. And Siamjai is no exception.
I only hope the bump back to earth isnt too painful.
Interesting blog……..I met my thai partner in a bar but under different circumstances that most……….I was a musician working and she was a server…and our relationship developed slowly and over time….she is traditional in her beliefs about settling for the right man………..and so it was not an instant thing on her part…….which made it more special than any relationships I have engaged in in my own country……….while its true that there are many Thai women looking for a potential mate ………any relationship worth having should have some investment of time……remember its two different ways of seeing the world that are merging……and there are many cultural pitfalls to understand about the Thai culture that become apparent when “the other shoe drops”………I have been lucky enough to be in a very satifiying relationship with a wonderful Thail girl………however I continually keep an open mind and accept that I will never understand everything about Thail culture …….and its a matter of compromises……….as it is in all sucessful relationships
Good blog Steve!
“Mail Order Brides” have been going on as long as some lonely soul has the where-with-all to pay the freight!
As for morals, well, they are all bout the same in every country I’ve lived in or visited.
Easy come, easy go. Pie-In-The-Sky, The Grass-Is-Greener, mostly because folks are just impatient in learning and figure the quicker things are “settled” the better…
I can remember telling a traveller that I always took my wife to Thailand, he replied “like taking a ham sandwich to deli”! He was typical of what most seem to “know” concerning “matters of the heart”, but true lovers know what they have, too the rest, well, it don’t matter much what they say…;-)
Thanks for the comments. I’d like to comment too on the article.
Just from the article you can see how the Thai Press is able to write things which i am sure you could never say in the West. “Good mother-like qualities”
I could imagine the uproar, if a national newspaper in England wrote such a thing. Disappointed cause he was “Quite ugly”, is another.
There is a lotta superficiality in this article, but i thought it would be a good one to write up as it shows what the Thai media thinks about us Farangs and the type of Thai girls they portray us as looking for “brown-skin” “healthy-looking”.
One sad taboo about Society here, is the way female divorcees are looked down upon. This article highlights that many of them see a Farang husband as one way out.
I guess these two sets of characters are made for each other, good or bad – that’s a debate for another day.
Ask the typical Thai women about what qualities she’s sees in a man and one of the most popular adjectives is ‘responsibilty’. This word has a lot of depth. Let’s be honest, in the eyes of a lot of the women above, they are looking for a ‘responsible’ man after they have become disillusioned with Thais.
One may also say that a lot of the Farangs looking for a Thai girl through such online-agencies have also become disillusioned with their own kind.
Both sides believe the ‘grass is greener on the other side’. Perhaps it really is. Again, there is positive and negative.
This article does see both sides of the coin.
I liked the way the Thai Rath newspaper summarizes right at the end. “It’s a big gamble”
LOL! That cracked me up! I just looked at our lab spec that’s sitting on a table next to me, “the other end” lol. Leave it to Dubya to come up with unforgettable one-liners!
Seriously though. You say that we already start out with some general notions about the opposite gender, and that it takes the effort to correct it and learn the realities. So true! This makes it even more foolish to burden it even more by additional imagined qualities based on race and nationality. You and I know from experience how unrealistic the the stereotypical Western notion about Asian women. Just look at what the article says about the criteria these Farang have about their online dreams! Couldn’t pick anything more shallow and unrealistic than that, really.
Trangam, I think it’s much more difficult for two people to live in harmony if they got together without any real meaningful basis to begin with. You say it has to do with the anonymity of big city life. That could be valid about the Farang men, but then how come most of these women are from Isaan villages?
The rest of the comments I leave alone. I have nothing to say to people who support the notion of browsing through human beings like buyers browse in the market for the best-looking sack of potatoes. :/
Indeed.
It’s difficult to explain this to folks who never experienced it. The only reason why we still want to do that is because it’s a pity that just-arrived foreigners don’t see all the options available to them, because, like Steve wrote:
We want to show by personal example that anyone, even foreigners, have a realistic chance for a meaningful relationship in Thailand. They don’t have to resort to turning into monks if the mainstream option is not their cuppa tea.
WELCOME!
do u notice in these wedding photo’s the farang husband is always planting a big kiss on his new brides face (the pic for this posting is no exception) much to the horror and disdain of all the gathered Thai family
Hey Oakley,
So nice to see you here!
Exactly. Also, female co-workers and friends are affected with this stigma, just because they hang out with a farang guy. I feel sorry for them, and especially for Cherry that she has to put up with all that bs, totally undeserved. All that just because of these losers!
So it won’t change after marriage either then.
But of course, what else to expect, when these jerks disgrace the notion of marriage as well! I wonder, do they ever feel any trace of shame during the ceremony that was built upon all the values that they themselves lack? What a hoax! :-/
Also, kinda amusing that the only ones supporting the “trade” are the ones not affected by it personally. It’s soo easy to be non-judgemental on issues where there is no personal backlash on yourself! Talk about the real ignorant outsiders, lol!
At least it’s different in the US.
Let’s just hope that such fleshtrade will always remain abhorred there – it seems to be the only deterrent.
Chad,
It is nice to know that i am not the only one reading “Siamjai’s” comments, that thinks he is, as you say, “a privileged outsider with snobby opinions”. Siamjai’s “authoritative views”, as you say, that are all to often peppered with his bias words, are so enlightening!!!!!!!!! It is hard to believe that i was ever able to live my life without them.You said it all very nicely, in your last paragraph:
“I suggest that you (Siamjai) enjoy your wonderful love relationship and let other Thai/farangs enjoy their relationships without the likes of you sitting high in judgment over them.”
2006-05-24 @ 22:29
Hush, fnooner, don’t you know we’re privileged to share blogspace with the ‘special one’. He is living his life as an example to us and we should feel lucky to glimpse it.
Observe and learn
“now hear the word of the Lord”
diego dobber,
You said it much better than i. I am going to drop the subject, unless the “special one” wants to continue it.
Finding the right Thai girl and courting her is going to be a challenge, boys. But like Steve and SiamJai said, it DOES happens.
But just to vent: where the heck are comments from the female on this thread???? LOL. ;-D Of course, it would take the big mouth OakMonster to chime in, wouldn’t it?
It’s the story like this that ruins it for the rest of us Thai girls who do fall in love with our farang husbands for the right reasons.
Y’all know my story (if you don’t, check out my old blog entries). It just sucks that when you and your husband show up together in Thailand, first thought comes: Ah, a farang and his hooker. Then, oh may be it’s the farang and his young money hungry wife. It never ends as, well they are just another married couple.
At least, in California, we can live in peace…which is a pity, really.
Love is on the air………..
are they in love with a guy called card, green card , huh.?
you can call it any other things but money is spell with a capital MMMMM :thankya
Before coming to spend a year in Thailand, I definitely shared some negative ideas towards the marraiges between many western men and SE Asian women that seemed less that genuine.
But after living here I’ve definitely loosened up. Some of the western men that I have met have learned much better Thai than I’ll ever attain. A testament to their true interest in Thailand, and not just Thai women.
The main reason I’ve learned to suspend my judgment is that I’ve learned what the standard Thai male can be like.
Out here in the country, a lot of men do not hide their infidelity. Some of my fellow teachers complain about this widespread trait and ask me to bring them a boyfriend from America. They imagine a more progressive world, and see it in the West.
The most competent women I work with are single as they enter their 30′s. I think it’s hard for strong and intelligent women to find a Thai man who is up to their standards.
Blah, blah, blah – farangs, thai women. You people are making this much more difficult than it needs to be. Farang men find Thai women to be sexually appealing and Thai women find Farang men to be sexually appealing and financially better off than most Thai men. The trade-off is sex for money. Is this really any different than any other M/F relationship? No!
Coranado seems like he has spent too much of his time listening to girls in the bar “Thai woman find farang men to be sexually appealing”.
Isn’t a quote like that, generalizing? Actaully i find the whole comment is generalizing. I think he should try meeting a different more normal Thais and he will realize that not all Thai women are out to have sex for money.