Angry Thai Female

Since I have tomorrow (Friday) off to compensate for attending the first of 4-Saturday QuarkXpress program courses, I figure I’d stay up late and rant.

Uh oh! OakMonster is about to post a rant about the plight of Thai women. Close the blinds. Hide your children. No one is safe!

What is the cause of my rage today? A relationship article in The Nation called A question of relationships: Angry, alone and writing furiously Click on the link and read the article first before you proceed.

The writer criticizes the new genre of books that recently hit the shelf in Thailand, the Angry Woman literature. I guess that would be a companion category to the increasingly popular Chick Lit(erature) in the US. So I hereby dub this Thai Angry Women stuff, the Bitch Lit.

Now that you know what you’re getting into, please, I beg of you, finish reading the entry before getting your panties in a bunch. Please.

It’s about gosh darn time Thai women show their anger in public! It’s about time Thai women voice their opinion on and their dissatisfaction about Thai men!

Of all the things Thai society presses upon us, we decide to pick raising our voices and expressing our anger in public as our grand scale defiance. And some guys apparently got bent out of shape about it.

The male-dominated voice speaks through this columnist at the Nation, condemning the Bitch Lit to nothing but emotional sewage spewing from women who are “First, all the female writers appear to be close to or over 30. Second, they are desperate. Finally, their lives are void of both love and dates.”

This writer continues that the Bitch Lit writers “…can probably count the relationships they’ve had on the fingers of one hand and base their judgements on highly limited encounters with the opposite sex,” and that they’re writing advice column about relationships. Well, duh, Sherlock. Who sets up the rule that the more dates/love experience the girl has would lessen her worth?

Brother, please. These are arguments befitting an over-confident 16-year-old pimpled boy whose proposal for a date was rejected by the cheerleading captain.

But if that is a representing voice of Thai men, then the article gives Thai women another reason why the Bitch Lit should continue.

This is the 21st century. With all due respect to other aspects of Thai cultures, the cultural view on women must change to allow women to be all that we can be.

We don’t want to stay at home to keep the house, or spend hours in the kitchen. (Not that Thai women these days have to, anyway.) We don’t want to be treated as soft, dainty object that should only be seen and not heard. We don’t want to keep our emotions bottled up so we can appear pleasant to you men at all time, so you would love us and won’t go frolicking into the arms of another women. We don’t need to be married by 30 to be considered “successful”, or to have any value to our lives.

I must admit, yes, us women do have our flaws. We are only human. Then again, so do men. Now that Thai women are pointing things about Thai men out to the world at large, venting their anger in public, Thai men are not happy about it. In such a male-dominant society, hearing criticism from women seems to have blindsided men, shook them off balance, and lost control. Men, in general, don’t like not being in control, and now they feel like they’re losing control on the women. That really shakes things up.

Thai women today are smart and independent. They don’t feel the need to pine for men’s attention as much, and certainly they could easily make their own living. They feel they are entitled to their opinion, and their rights to have their voices heard. And they’d go out and do it. More than half of my graduating class is not married, and some of them couldn’t care less. Seriously.

There are definitely changes in the air. And some men think it just stinks. These are men who are not as open minded, who do not have the same respect for Thai women, who don’t think Thai women can be more than just the silent, pleasant, subservient fragile flower.

Tough luck, brothers. Tough. Luck.

A Thai male reader may just be saying, no kidding this OakMonster chick couldn’t find a Thai guy. She’s too damned opinionated.

Good riddance, dude.

My point exactly. This is probably also why many young Thai women these days went looking outside of the Thai circle. Thai men just don’t appreciate the “modern” Thai women and their having an opinion and saying it up front and center.

Anyways. I digress.

Of course, not ALL men are like that. Better yet, not ALL Thai men are like that. Kudos to you “modern” men who are not afraid of my and younger generations of sass, who love us for our minds as well as our bodies, and who let us truly be ourselves.

My hopes lie with the younger generation of Thai men. I have already seen some changes with boys of my generation. You certainly can’t teach old dogs new tricks, but the younguns are catching on.

There are real gentlemen out there in the world as well as I’m sure you lads on Thai-Blogs are. For that, I thank you.

And to all, thanks for letting me rant. Now I can enjoy my day off.

P.S. Thai and non-Thai sisters (and perhaps brothers too) out there who feel outraged about this article, I encourage you to write to the Nation at either relations@nationgroup.com or letters@nationgroup.com.

11 responses to “Angry Thai Female

  1. This is a slippery slope for a man, yet alone a Farang man, to comment on. One thing I noted..paraphrasing…”angry men are more level-headed than angry women.” Anger and level-headedness being quite subjective..and then..what is so level-headed about simply going out and finding a new lover at the closure of a relationship? You’re right, Oakmonster, not ALL men are like that, and it is unfortunate that the writer of this particular article chooses to go the opposite, stereotypical direction.

    Now..go enjoy your day off. 🙂

  2. Oakmonster – Why bother responding to such rubbish? Anybody who has any knowledge about Thailand and its people knows who REALLY is in charge and holds the purse strings !
    This is probably a male who has asked his wife a few hours earlier for a few Baht to go and have a drink with the boys and when refused has had a tantrum like an adolescent (with pimples !) – or he is single and his latest amorous advances have been rejected (those pimples again !).
    Ignore him -if you respond you only make him feel important.
    Contrary to the populist myth that Thai women marry farangs only for their money,(perpetrated by some Thai men?) research shows that the main reason is that farang men often treat Thai women far better than Thai men. That being said, I am sure there are lots of Thai men who do not act in this sexist way, they however, do not think this is remarkable enough to make any comment on.

  3. Right on! As Thailand enters the world economy, it is inevitable that Thai culture’s long standing tradition of female entrepreneurship will translate economic power into socio-political power.

    I just feel sorry for the men who come to Thailand looking for the submissive, “World of Suzy Wong (or is that Worapong?),” ‘traditional’ mail-order bride of their neo-colonialist dreams…:P

  4. This is a good sign if woman’s independence, But if woman are not willing to demonstrate there independence buy asking men out on dates and paying for the date, men will dismiss there independence as just double standard equality. Woman cannot continue to only want equality when it benefits them selves, you have to so true equality of taking the good with the bad, That means don’t complain about men, if you are not willing to do traditional men’s expectations when going out on a date.

  5. Benny Lomax

    Hi Oakmonster,

    I noticed a piece in the letters column of the Nation today written by a certain angry female from California. Is this a coincidence?

    I’ve read the original and I’m not at all sure that it wasn’t meant to be a humorous piece. As evidence: “Goodness knows what a heartbroken woman feels after a break-up. I hear they feel that dogs are better than men. We would never feel that way about women.” It made me laugh at several other points as well.

    I’m not a big fan of Sex and the City either I must say. Not because of the outspokeness of the female characters but just because of the depressing cynicism it shows in terms of human relationships that fans of the show seem to revel in. The women in that show take on the worst characteristics that have been attributed to men and adopt them as their own and the result is not pretty from a human perspective. Same thing made Mike Leigh’s “Closer” one of the most depressing films I saw last year.

    Getting back to Thailand specifically, I think there are plenty of women who are choosing to fulfill traditional conceptions of femininity, and others who are doing away with it, and many women somewhere in the middle.

    I think your blog accurately captures what’s going on with a university educated minority, but not the majority. Thai men may rightfully be getting called to task on some of their shenanigans, but we’re not in the days of modern America yet.

    And I think most of my farang brothers would say thank the good lord in his seventh heaven for that! 😉

    BL

  6. Thanks all the men who share their perspectives here! I do understand your point of view as well. (Hi. I married a Marine, and I listened to Tom Likis here and there, I hear an earful about manly ideas all – the -time! Haha.)

    I am not trying to seek equality here since after all, obviously, I am a woman. I know that what we say we really want is not REALLY what we want. Paul_AU is right, that women want “equality” but to a certain degree.

    But we sure don’t want to be treated as second class citizens, getting “put in her place”.

    Women are emotional. Thai culture tells us to bottle it. We don’t want to any more. That is all.

    Sex And The City is of course a work of fiction. Although exagerated, it still speaks the truth about how women feel about men, and how they want to feel about themselves and relationship. It’s like watching your secret wishes and pent up emotions explodes on screen. It’s quite satisfying. 🙂

    As for the letter in the Nation, I have been forwarding the article to my Thai girl friends who at this point are all over the world, and they are forwarding it on to more people. You may find more of the angry letters in the Nation in the coming days.

    Thank you again for all of your comments! 🙂

  7. You go girl!

    I’ve listened to that kind of crap from men here in the states my whole life. Things to the effect of “everything started to go bad when women started to work” etc.

    To Paul_Au I think you miss the mark a little equating “equality” through financial terms only. Women here in America still struggle with a “glass ceiling snydrom” in the business world. I think the equality they seek is as a human being or person of equal worth.

  8. “everything started to go bad when women started to work”! Ludicrous! That’s when everything started to go right! I can’t imagine how any thinking man would want to kill himself with work, come home, and see his wife spread out on the couch like Jabba the Hut watching soaps and putting a hand out for money to “run the household” (ie buy a new handbag or a 17th pair of shoes)! Forget the Sex Pistols movie, this is the great rock n’roll swindle!

    With women working you have only positives – finish a day and so does she and you can enjoy each other’s company without that secret resentment that I’m sure being the sole provider must encourage.

  9. Simple advice.
    Be Nice. Don’t be nasty.

    Sure people can get angry from time to time, but to live angry as a permanent way of life is not very good. Yes, sort your problems out quickly, but please don’t turn to anger or use the threat of anger to manipulate those around you, you will quickly find that you won’t have anybody to listen to you.

    All of your points are valid, but why be angry all the time ?

    Sure get a job, be independant, have an opinion, don’t let yourself get caught in a repressive situation, speak up for yourself. All valid points. I don’t see the need to get angry in order to achieve the things you desire.

    Bitterness, venom and anger ? Think about it.
    How would you like it if you and everybody is angry all around you ???? You will only achieve an evil state of being and continue to teach and spread anger as a way of life.

    A drop of honey will go further than a tonne of gaul everytime. EVERYTIME.

    Make a stand for yourself, YES your onto something here, but please, please, don’t include anger in your desires. It is not the way and never was, it will only beget more anger, bitterness and loneliness.

    Enjoy life. Sure, sometimes things can make us angry, but please don’t BE angry. BE successful, BE positive, BE forward looking, BE constructive, BE caring, BE happy. Don’t buy into this evil anger as a way of getting what you want, it will stab you in the back at the last minute everytime.

  10. Great to read your comments, Oakmonster! Good luck with your rise in being viewed with true equality by the men in your country. Still some way to go here too! Check out ‘Bitch Lit’- it’s a book that’s been published here in England by Commonword- full of great women characters expressing their angry and tabooed feelings!

  11. can somebody’s tell me why the thai women always like to asking money from men ?? is that thailand really a poor country ??