Dos and Don’ts….in Thailand

Do visit a genuine Thai market!

DOS:

>Do get used to Thais arriving for their appointments half an hour late, most of the country’s watches are ‘defunct’.

>Do tuck your feet in, the person sat opposite does not need to view what you have just been treading in.

>Do understand that Thais have a tender fondness for uniforms, they just love getting dressed up.

>Do realize that Thais just adore receiving awards, they are even given for just being born.

>Do have patience, the Thais don’t exactly enjoy having to listen to your waffling complaints all day long.

>Do take off your shoes when entering a house, unlike in the west; the Thais don’t need to see the remains of dog waste all over their floors.

>Do, as a Farang girl, wear a bra, the Thai women are a little sensitive about having to see such things ‘wobble’ about.

>Do, as a paying customer, understand that sales-girls prefer doing their make-up to serving you, beauty is of the upmost importance here, unlike ‘you’.

>Do, as a foreign man looking for a Thai girlfriend, take your time and find a ‘decent’ one, Thais think us Farang guys have an awful sense of taste.

>Do, as a Farang baby, get used to having your cheek pinched 1,000 times a day and being told “Such a cutey little baby”, most of the girls would like to have one – just like you!

>Do understand that Thais have an infatuation for plastic bags, the sales-girls will even give you one for putting your chewing gum in.

>Do get used to Thais ‘jumping the queue’, they can wait 3 years for the first kiss from their boyfriends, but having to wait just 30 seconds in a queue at 7-11 is just unbearable.

>Do get used to using straws, after you have seen the state of most of bottle tops you will understand why.

>Do give up your seat to a schoolkid on the bus, as for the old man, just let him stand.

>And finally, do learn a few words of Thai, how would you feel if a Chinese guy did nothing but waffle on to you in ‘his’ own lingo in your home country.

Don’ts:

>Don’t go smooching your loved one in the middle of the street, Thais prefer performing such personal ‘activity’ in the privacy of ones room.

>Don’t use a fork to stick plain rice in your mouth, would your mother enjoy having to witness a foreigner use a knife to eat a potato in her country?

>Don’t even bother complaining about the daily noise pollution, if you like a bit of peace and quiet you may as well stay at home.

>Don’t go patting you friend on the head, Thais are a little sensitive about such things.

>Don’t even begin thinking of discussing literary classics with the locals, the whole country is only besotted by cartoon books.

>Don’t, as a Farang employer, bother screaming at your office girls for eating khanom and chatting on MSN all day, anyway what can you expect on their miserly salaries?

>Don’t, as a Farang guy on wanting to marry a Thai misunderstand Thai tradition, do instead understand that a dowry or at least just showing one is part of the culture, no need to feel that you are always being ‘ripped-off’.

>Don’t, as a Farang girl, wear hotpants to the temple, you don’t need the monks breaking out in a sweat

>Don’t, as a Farang wanting to live here, even bother complaining to the officials in charge about the endless paperwork, they just love collecting forms and looking at them a thousand times.

>Don’t bother telling any of your ‘mother-in-law’ to the locals, Thais prefer comedy to the likes of a ladyboy falling off a chair.

>Don’t get paranoid at being cheated all the time, not all the Thais are out to ‘scam’ the Farang tourist of his dollars.

>And finally, don’t feel insulted at having to hear the likes of “Hey you” and “Where you go man” from the nation’s tuk-tuk and taxi drivers, do understand they’ve never learnt English at school.

While most of me other tales have sunk into the archives and fallen into the abyss a few blogs from me ‘Dos and Don’ts’ series are still making the rounds and can even been found on a variety of other websites.

The rest of me blogs, ever since, must have been pretty trash as the most viewed and ‘referred to’ blog is the very first one I ever wrote up on thai-blogs (over 6 months ago!)’Dos and Don’ts/ Dating a Proper Thai girl’. Still managing to bring in a string of viewers every day, just wish I could say the same about me other blogs!

Again, as always, my recent ‘Dos and Don’ts is all but a bit of fun and oughtn’t to be taken too seriously!

This is the seventh blog in the series! the others can be found in me archives.

VOCAB FOR TODAY:

Defunct = ‘up the shoot’ ie’ it doesn’t work anymore, just like most of those dodgy watches sold in Chatuchak market that have a life-span of…. 3 days.
Tender = soft
Waffle on = to chat on and on and on, while the listener falls asleep
Wobble = to go up and down, right to left
Awful = really bad
Infatuation = obsession
Lingo = language
Ripped-off = cheated (financially)
Smooch = kiss and cuddle (often in public in the west) to the complete distaste of the passer-by
‘Khanom’ (Thai lingo) = impossible to translate directly, something like a cookie, candy, cake, biscuit, wafer etc…
And finally,….

Scam = to cheat out of a lot of money, something like the ‘quackwacks’ who fall for those ‘419’ Nigerian hoax bogus fraud letters that begin to the likes of:
‘Dr Sir, … I am devout Christian and Advisor to the President of Ghana and since my mother is now dead I need to transfer the sum of 12.5 million dollars, from her ‘will’ to your bank account. Pls send me all your bank details and transfer to me also and ASAP, the sum of $35,000 dollars (needed to pay the tax of course!)