Reading 
the blog from thibodi called Thailand Rocked My Life, and his remarks about Thai women, I feel I should contribute to the subject.
I’m a Thai woman married to a white American. Despite the fact that I am well educated and come from a respectable family, or however I carry myself around my husband, while in Thailand, there is always someone thinking I’m a prostitute hired by a farang.
Ironically, I think I caught myself thinking the same discriminating thoughts a few times while I was in Thailand with my husband last November. It was his first visit there. We have been married 3 years.
Is it so engrained in my head that Thai woman + Farang = commercial relationship? Now that I am one, is it just me thinking that someone else is thinking that about me?
I caught myself being overly critical of how I dressed when we went out about town together, caught my mother being even more critical of my behavior and the way I dressed. Actually, she went with us almost everywhere partly because she knew the city better than either of us, but may be partly to be our chaperone, fending off any possible accusing stares.
My girl friends said that there was nothing to be worried about. There are plenty of respectable Thai women with farangs all over time. They said that my mom was thinking too much, and I was feeding such paranoia off of her.
I wish I could believe my friends. But I doubt our society has changed that much when it comes to seeing Thai woman with a Farang. The stigma of interracial relationship has lifted, they said.
I believe them in a sense. But I also have doubts in a country where women are still expected to behave a certain way, and to adhere to certain codes. Perhaps the younger generations may not be pointing the same finger as the older generations, but some of the prejudice lingers on.
The country and the culture may be moving forward, but I feel that Thai women still have a lot more to fight for, more than just our rights to marry whoever we choose, and in the same token, to take up a profession we choose, and not be judged by our choices.
Being women, first battle we have to do is with ourselves. We have to make peace with ourselves, getting over our own critical eyes on our body and social image. And then, perhaps one by one we’d rise above prejudice and learn to love ourselves and our sisters.
Then again, I’m a dreamer.
P.S. Readers in Los Angeles Area – Come down and check out “Asian Voices” this Thursday, April 21, 8 p.m. at the Village Gate Theater by USC (University of Southern California). 6 USC students and yours truly, the lone alumni, will perform our monologue pieces written about our lives as Asians/Asian-Americans. My performance piece touched briefly about the above topic.
Thanks for that thought provoking blog. It is indeed a sensitive subject and it was nice to hear it from your viewpoint. I have too experienced the same thing when I have walked around with a Thai woman. You can quite clearly see what they think about her. However, like you suggested, if she is dressed “properly” and is acting in a Thai way (not holding hands or kissing in public) then it becomes more acceptable. I have never liked this situation and feel really bad for the woman. However, I have caught myself doing the exact same thing when I was in Pattaya as I saw a foreigner walking hand-in-hand with a young Thai girl. My first thoughts were that she was a prostitute. And I could hear Thai people around me commenting in much the same way once they had passed by.
I think, with time, these attitudes might change. But there is no sign of it happening yet. Maybe we need more farang/Thai women walking around with an armful of babies to hammer home that some people are indeed in deep and meaningful relationships.
A great blog there, Oakmonster.
Just as I thought; you spark some life into the blogs with these energetic, lively discussion-provokers.
I agree with you, it’s definitely not just paranoia that got your mom and you thinking like this. I think it’s safe to assume that just about every Thai woman who got associated with Farang is subjected to the same. And I don’t mean spouses only, but friends and relatives as well. Like Richard, I also had several friends and a couple relatives who had to endure the stereotyping when they were with me in public. Heck, I even got officially reprimanded for it.. at Richard’s workplace. Do you remember, Richard?
It’s interesting to note how these Thai women cope with the unwanted attention and naughty assumptions; most choose to ignore the gossip; some act defiantly, and even “play into” it to anger the commenters more; and I even had one case where the woman pushed me out of her life to end the gossip of neighbors. … What is your method, Oakmonster?
As for me… initially I was shocked by it (during the above-mentioned reprimand), and at that time I even considered distancing myself from these friends in order to preserve their image, and to confirm to the powers that be. But later I realized that’s not a good idea. Why should we lead our lives to fulfill the expectations of complete strangers? So I chose to ignore them and their nasty comments – but first I had to make sure that my friends really want to hang around with me like that. After all, it’s their reputation that’s at stake! A farang man in Thailand starts off with a bad rep by default.
Incidentally, when I see Thai and Farang together, disapproving thoughts don’t come as a knee-jerk reaction, mainly due to my own example. If there is a large age difference, however, it rings some bells. Not necessarily assuming that the woman is a prostitute, but also thinking that the old geezer could be a
big loser at home, coming to Thailand to take advantage of
the desperate situation of some Thai women. So, IMO a long-lasting relationship with babies is not necessarily a “deep and meaningful” relationship, Richard.
That’s very nicely put. If this is how your monologue piece will sound like, I’d like to attend. Is it possible to include the script (or parts of it) in one of your future blogs?
oakmonster’s point touch me very deeply, I was hoping to hear this from a thai woman once.
I think I understand you quite well as I was used think about it all the time when I was walking on the street with my girlfriend. As an automatic reaction I was always staring at other people’s eyes to understand what they were probably thinking about me and my girl.
I think everybody that knows a bit about thailand -and know how it works on this field – is very suspicious about mixed couples, but there is some clues that can help to know which kind of relationship is it. but at this point it looks like “voyeurism” and finaly you should think “let those people be and live your life”
Awww poor you. Well just ignore them, they all just envy you for having a handsome hubby. And about how you dress, just wear whatever you like as long as it is NOT similar to those “E-TUA” or whores. Living in LA or Cali?, you must have that “Cosmo” or “InStyle” style.
Best Wishes!
Wow… richard og stephen can’t you block bens profile…?? Its all negativity coming form him… really not the usual style of your website that i otherwise love to read…. many times a day
Excuse me? There is ABSOLUTELY nothing psesimistic coming out from me. I was trying to cheer up Miss Oaksmonster and I truly respect her say and so on. And regarding my PERSONAL blog, there is nothing at all having to do with “NEGATIVITY” as you said so.
It is OK Sanne. We are still trying to house train him. Some of the time he does have some intelligent things to say in the comment section. That is why we tolerate him. Other times he is like a screaming seven year old having a trantum and trying to get people to look his way. If you find him annoying then it is best just to ignore him.
Wow. Thanks everyone for the post.
First, SiamJai:
I think I put on my best armor when I’m in Thailand. “This too shall past” usually is the first mantra I go to since I was only there to visit. You have to do your best to block out everyone else with whatever you’ve got. My mantras have included: “I’m not doing anything wrong,” “They’re just jealous,” and “I’m leaving the country in xx days.” I’m sorry to hear that you have to lose your friends over this nonsense. I will elaborate on this whole subject on another post in a few days. As for my monologue, it actually revolves around the love-hate traditional Asian mother v.s. progressive daughter relationship. (See post about mom being critical of me because of the whole Thai-Farang relationship thing.) Thank you, and I hope you could come to the show too!
Now, Ben.
Nah, I’m not the InStyle kind of girl. I wear whatever the heck I want, heavy on the t-shirts and Converses. But you brought up a good point, again another topic for another post, the dressing like “E TUA”. You’ve just proven my point on women’s freedom, or lack thereof. But thank you for your post. I totally get ya.
In the meantime, back to my day job and off to rehearsal after that. Will get back on board on Friday, folks.
Seriously u can’t be going for e tua’s style!
That was a very thought provoking blog, good job. Unfortunately it is not only thailand that has this problem. I live in Bahrain with my thai girlfriend. there are many thai prostitutes working here. So any of the bars and clubs assume all thai girls are the same. guys and farang women can get into these places with no problems. If i take my girlfriend to a bar she has to show her civil id card before going inside. It is a very sad world when you have to prove you are not a prostitute before you can go to a party!
I love your intellect and knew from your first blog that your subject matter would stir minds.
I spent 2 weeks in Pattaya (and no one has to tell me again about the reputation of Pattaya, please). I really enjoyed myself, could have participated in the “crazy” life, but chose instead to just allow the Thai culture to capture me. Never having seen Thailand except for where I was in Pattaya I knew no other thoughts about good or “bad”. I did meet a girl. We liked each other. Yes, I am older. No, I did not give her money. We just hung out for about ten days and continue to call each other about once a week. I never knew nor thought about the stigma of Farong/Thai…I never knew it was improper to hold hands in public…we did nothing lewd in public…we didn’t act stupid…we just enjoyed each others company.
After reading your blog, I feel guilty that I was not more aware of the cultural stigma. I hope I didn’t make my girl “friend” feel like a prostitute and she just stayed strong hearted for my sake. I hope from my heart I didn’t do that…..
Hi Oakmonster, how did the show go? I hope it was a success.
Have any pictures?
The topic of your monologue sounds interesting; the comparison and contrast between traditional and modern, Thai and foreign always interested me; it becomes even more fascinating in the context of family.
So when you told us about it, it made me wish that I was back in the US again for the occasion. Living in sunny Thailand, this wish rarely comes up though.
So that’s why I asked earlier: is there a possiblity of including the script in one of your blogs? I think that others would be interested too…
Those of us single men who reside in Thailand for proper reasons (ie work, study), might benefit from knowing about these family issues that have the potential to come up in our own lives, in case of marrying a proper Thai woman from a respectable, traditional family.
Your mantras to block out the negativity from the surroundings sound good! I think I will use some of them next time. I was thinking about it the other day, and realized that if it feels this bad for me, the foreigner, then it must be worse for you and for other Thai women in similar position, because you have to endure the hostile suspicions and gossip from those that you would expect to greet you with warm hospitality: your own people.
Oakmonster,
I read your blog here aloud and with great interest to my wife, who is from Khon Kaen. We have been married for almost three years, and have been living here (east coast, us) for two years. Before coming here we lived in Khon Kaen and then Chiang Mai. We know EXACTLY what you are talking about. It seemed to be worse in Chiang Mai, and though we love that city, it was a constant source of upset for us. Of course we met many very nice and non-judgemental people, but on the street we could always feel the stares. It makes me sick. I feel completely helpless to defend my wife’s honor. If it were here in the US, I would punch someone for making this type of comment about the woman I love. But what can I do in Thailand? Actually, I talk sh!t loudly about those people. Or just stare back at them until they look away. If we are hanging out with my wife’s best friend, she does not hesitate to tell people off! 555, we love her so much!
On one hand, we can’t blame people, because the situation they are imagining is all too common, and we, like you, are often guilty of the same judgements ourselves. It is a crappy situation. Actually, this is one of the few things about america that I prefer to thailand.
I forgot to mention, the worst part is her parent’s loss of face. They are very accepting of our marriage, but they endure a lot of b.s. from their neighbors. I feel very bad about this. We are both in school now, and hope to one day earn our masters’ degrees, so that we may make them proud of us. Thank you for this subject, as we do not often have the opportunity to discuss it with anyone but each other.
-mike
I could just kick myself for reading your blog one day after your event. I would have loved to see it. I hope that all went well.
About all the stares and remarks from strangers you get you really can’t change it’s too overwelming. It’s pathetic I know. However, the next time your in Thailand with your hubby… give those strangers a show, give your hubby a big smooch on the lips and smack his a**right in front of there faces….you’ll never see these people again anyways.
Oh dear, this blog has made me worry.
I am lucky enough to travel to Thailand 5 or 6 times a year for work and have met lots of good friends.
One lady in particular spends a lot of time with me when I am in Korat and although our relationship is platonic we do go to restaurants and bars in the evenings.
Sometimes I get a feeling that there is a bit of friction in some of the places and I wonder now if this predjudice is the cause.
I’m ashamed to say I still have very little Thai language and my friend has never commented on it so I can’t be sure, but I’ll have to ask her if this is the case.
I’d hate to think her reputation is being damaged just because we walk out together.
I understand your feelings in a different way. I am a white american woman and have had asian boyfriends and have been looked at oddly by both whites and asians alike. I studied in Thailand for one university year and I thought it would be like a buffet (hehe) of cutie asian guys. Unfortunately most were intimidated by me, even though I mostly behaved myself, or I had to be careful because some thought I was some sex crazed american woman.
Also working at the casino we have many interracial relationships and I have a lot of friends who have found love while dealing cards on the cruise ships for the casino. Most people that dont know them well, think they have “imported” spouses or are unable to find american spouses or that the relationship is “commercial”. This is distressing to them and not fair because so many of them are together for years and so happy.
Jai yen yen…take it in stride and to those who know you know your relationship is real and those who don’t know you…screw them!
i was in thailand last year with my gf we are both young (early twenties) she is thai i am farang and i did not notice any of this, we travelled alot staying in bangkok, korat and mae sai in all of these places my gf and i only seemed to encounter genuine friendlyness she i think was very concious of how we looked as she dressed down whenever we were out in public and kept the affection to a minimum (no kissing etc) i did not notice this as its how we dress back home (NZ) and we tend not to hold hands back home aswell so i was completely oblivious now that i have read ur blog i will be a bit more concious of how we look together as i have dreadlocks and tend to dress like im at the beach no matta where i am lol! but i love thailand and am willing to change to make the experience that much betta for us thank u for an awesome blog and for opening my eyes cheers Rhys