Dos and don’ts of coming to Thailand…..on the cheap

DON’TS:

Don’t bother paying for a room at a dingy guesthouse, just check into the local temple and stay for free.
Don’t bother having your breakfast and lunch at the market, all that’s free at the temple too!
Don’t bother getting yourself a pricey tourist visa, the 30 day freebie one on arrival will do.
Don’t, if you stay at the guesthouse, get a lonely boring room all to yourself, just ask for the dormitory.
Don’t even think of going to the cinema, you can watch a string of freebie movies at the guesthouse all for the price of a Pepsi.
Don’t go paying for pricey beers at a bar, get sloshed on the 37 baht big Beer Changs at 7-11 first before ‘going out’ and ordering ‘a bottle of water please’
Don’t, when on the islands take any of those darned pricey tuk-tuks, just walk everywhere, you could probably do with the exercise.
Don’t bother taking any of those pricey boat trips to nearby islands, just swim there yourself.
Don’t even think of eating at the guesthouse, the food on the street is twice as cheap and twice as good.
Don’t, when arriving at the airport take one of their Farang-priced taxis, just walk out on to the main road and get the bus.
Don’t bother giving the waitress a tip, she has to be taught that her 100 baht a day salary is more than enough to live on.
Don’t bother taking your dirty laundry to be washed outside, buy some detergent and wash it yourself.
Don’t even bother wasting your money searching the Net, just go ask for freebie advice from other travellers.
Don’t even think of giving money to a beggar, his agent probably has stacks more cash than you.
Don’t bother going for a massage, just do it yerself.

DOS:

Do go for one of those freebie tuk-tuk rides, you’ll only have to pop into the Indian tailor’s shop for ten minutes and say ‘No thank you belly much’.
Do forget about any pricey taxi ride, Bangkok’s little green buses are lots more fun at just four baht a go.
Do just ask for a ‘darned cold Pepsi’, you don’t need to be paying two baht for a glass of ice.
Do, as a Farang guy flirt with any lusty old divorcee with stacks-a-cash, you could end up on a freebie hoilday.
Do, if you get married to a Thai girl explain to her parents that ‘Paying a dowry is well… against my religion’
Do learn a few phrases of Thai, you will be wanting to pay the ‘Thai priced’ admission fees.
Do, as a guy, when you are at a bar, explain to the girls that buying them a coke is ‘bad for their teeth’
Do take the overnight buses everywhere, you don’t need to go wasting your money on a ‘crappy’ airplane ride.
Do, when wanting to buy a new shirt at Chatuchak ask around at 20 different stalls first, you will be wanting the best price going.
And finally, do, as a Farang girl, just flirt a bit with a bunch of the local guys, you don’t need to be buying your own beers!

Well this blog is for all of you right stingy Farang wanting to come to Thailand on the cheapo. Got the idea for this from the forums over there on thailandlife.com our sister site that has had a stack of posts over the past six months reading to the likes of ‘Hey man how much money I need like, if I wanna go to Thailand?”

This will be my last blog for a while cause of the Songran holiday. Thanks to all of you kind readers who have been sending e-mails asking about me daughter N’ Candy, she’s fine, but because she’s still in and out of hospital quite often we have all decided its best for her to stay with her granny for one more year, til she’s three.

A Very Happy Holiday to all the readers.

VOCAB FOR TODAY:

Dingy = ไม่น่าอยู่เลย
Pricey = expensive
Freebie = free
Dormitory = big old room with dozens of smelly travellers slept together like guinea pigs.
Get sloshed = get drunk
Farang-priced = a price quoted to a Farang tourist along the lines of “Hello you, i give you best price you”
Indian Tailor Shop = one of those shops you can see with stacks of suits in the window and a big-bellied Indian with a big old turban on stood outside saying ” Hello Sir, are you wanting to buy something?”
Dowry = stack-a-cash to be paid to be to your wife-to-be’s parents
Crappy = not very good