Dos and don’ts of coming to Thailand

[b]DON’TS:[/b]

Don’t take up any offer of a ten baht tuk-tuk ride or you will be taken for one BIG ride.
Don’t complain about the standard of English here, your Thai language skills aren’t exactly that hot.
Don’t try on a t-shirt if you aren’t going to buy it, the vendor doesn’t need the smell of your hairy armpits all over her goods.
Don’t go walking around Bangkok shirtless hoping for a good tan or you will get a right tanning at the nearest police station.
Don’t go throwing your cigarette butt around downtown Bangkok, you don’t want to be made a few dollars less off.
Don’t feed a 20 baht bunch of bananas to an elephant on the street, you don’t want to promote cruelty to animals.
Don’t buy a rose from a child beggar at night, you don’t want to promote child labour.
Don’t take the advice from a taxi who recommends you go for a naughty massage, he’s not taking you there cause he likes you.
Don’t buy a Buddha Image for household decoration, it doesn’t belong on top of your TV.
Don’t take advice from any Farang who has spent the past 20 years sitting on a bar stool at a bar-beer in Pattaya, he knows nothing.
Don’t come here for 3 years and complain about all things Thai, or the locals will ask “Why don’t you go home?”
Don’t presume she fancies you just cause she asks where you stay, questions like that are the ‘norm’ here.
Don’t dictate to the Thais about their Human Rights, our records are nothing to boast about.
Don’t argue with a Pattaya songthaew driver, you don’t need a plank of wood over your head.
Don’t whistle to the King’s anthem in the cinema, the Thais are rather sensitive about such things.
Don’t walk around drinking a bottle of beer, you don’t want to be mistaken as a drunkard.
And finally, don’t walk around Chatuchak with all your valuables in your handbag, you may seriously regret it.

[b]DOS:[/b]

Do get off the beaten track, there is more to Thailand than just writing boastful postcards and drinking banana shakes.
Do learn how to say a few Thai dishes in Thai, you don’t just want to eat Phat Thai and Fried Rice throughout your entire stay.
Do buy gemstones at a reputed establishment, the tuk-tuk drivers recommendations are nothing to be desired.
Do dress politely, you don’t want to be seen as having no self-pride.
Do give a tip at a nice restaurant, not everything the Lonely Planet states is true.
Do, if you wish, donate money to a respectable charity for the underpriviliged, and not some dodgy beggar on Silom.
Do keep your alcohol consumption under control, or you will enjoy a free breakfast as guest of the Corrections Dept.
Do say ‘Hello’ to the local kiddies, the local adults won’t think you are a kind of a pervert like in the west.
Do take a shower regularly, you sweat and get more smelly here than you do back home.
Do take your shoes off when entering a Thai house, they don’t need your sandals dirtying the floor.
Do have respect for their religion, in their eyes your religion is just as ‘weird’.
Do speak politey to the authorites, you don’t need to be sat around all day.
Do be careful and ask around first if you want to see a ping-ping a-go-go show on Patpong,you don’t want to be relinquished of all your cash.
Do be patient, the Thais don’t appreciate Farang who lose their temper just cause the waitress got the order wrong.
Do, as western girls, dress modestly in the Muslim areas of the south, you want to be seen in a good light.